Nikki ya Chotu

How would you like to spend your entire life, being called as Nikki or Chotu? Shakespeare didn’t mean that ‘ a rose by any other name would smell as sweet ‘. In Punjab, and primarily in the villages every young boy is Chotu, and every young girl working at home is called Nikki. They are always introduced with their names but slowly and surely one starts calling them Chotu and Nikki and before you shake your head in denial and say no, well it is true. You all have done it, and continue to do it, as we don’t think they are so important to remember their name, it’s a chalta hain attitude and Punjabis are so guilty of it.

We just go with the flow and ignore and forget or should I say conveniently forget. Stop and try and learn about them. It changes everything to the next level. Next time, call them with the name they were given and you will be rewarded with a smile and the efficiency would be manifold. The personal touch that is so missing in our lives comes back and the bond becomes stronger. No one, if they could avoid it would ever work for someone in a subservient way. Its not, easy being a servant and to be at the beck and call of someone. Try it for a day and you will start the next revolution. And, on top it to be a faceless one, no reference to the game of thrones, please.

Arvind is a young boy, he wants to be an actor but is stuck in Punjab that is more economically sound for him but is not what he wants. It is stifling, the food, the culture, the language, everything brow beats him into submission. He has no name but is oye chotu to all, and all he does is sweep the lawns so no leaf is left on the turf. Aren’t leaves supposed to fall? Isn’t there a change in season and a cycle but his destiny seems stuck in a cog in some nondescript village dotting India. The biting cold makes him want to buy a muffler but the phones minutes and talk time leave him stretched.

Sunita, a young Christian girl wants to study but is a maid and is a professional choir singer and has a tutor coming to teach her, she works all day long but her dreams make her soar. Life for her is not about who is at the helm of affairs; all she wants is her salary and how to make it stretch and also educate herself.

Day to day living trying to make it through in one piece and stretching the rupee is what counts. I think ordinary people are the real heroes. Try talking to one, next time and life sure gets interesting. I usually strike conversations with the people that re in the background, the ones who are there but are not there. The sweeper in the emergency PGI ward, who cleaned the ward with such a holy zeal that one, was left astounded. Asha, the old nurse who brought me a cup of tea just because I needed it and loved my smile! In the moments of adversity and when one is down, help and smiles come from people who you would ordinarily never ever bother about. I know this sounds very arrogant and snobbish, but we never expect kindness. Society nowadays has become so jaded that we do not expect kindness, empathy or sympathy or plain basic manners. But, help does come from unexpected quarters to paraphrase my favorite book Harry Potter. If the person reads this who handed me a sweet just when I crucially needed it, and I was lost, scared and had panicked in a real life emergency situation, you are truly divine. Thank you Sir.

I wish I knew your name, Sir.

Empathy is what makes us truly human. There is nothing that comes closer and there is no substitute for this , no education , or money or what the is virtual world is making us, I fear one day we will all be known by our online, projected identities and the art of talking would be lost . After reading this , try asking a few questions to your help  and delve into her life , it would make all the difference.

An Age old dilemma

Kaka, my age is 35 to 40 years, another said she was 61 /62years. All the ladies at the medical camp proclaimed themselves to be at least ten years younger when the slips were being made. We recently held a medical camp for the neighboring villages and our own and the funniest was that all the old aunties, grannies and every woman that was in line denied her real age!

It was hilarious and comic to see them saying in loud tones that they were all younger than they looked but don’t know how the had all the ailments of old age. Buddhapa was just in the air, they said. Must be the hawa –paani of the pind that they all looked older than they were.

All our lives we are manipulated into presenting ourselves to be younger than what we were. When we are young children, we all are in a hurry to grow up, and grow up fast. When we are older, we all want to look, feel younger than what we are. It is always a race against time. The society conditions and exploits us to manoeuvre, engineer us to buy cosmetics, to be body shamed into looking younger and always holding to the fountain of youth. This subtle orchestrating is quiet and bombards women and now men also to look younger in every way. Being fit is one thing, but where to becomes an obsession and we stop aging gracefully, things go asunder. A few grey hairs are the cause of worry. And, then when gravity starts dragging everything down we start striking deals with the new age dietitians who exhort huge amounts of money and then drinking all the dishwater to loose the fat we Punjabis have in our genes.

You know the amount of money we spend on loosing weight through exercise and the new age fangled diets where we are given the newest of seeds that aren’t heard of and numerous smoothies, and sometimes the early morning hot water –lemon, cinnamon mix and the requisite number of dry fruits to accelerate the metabolism. How lovely it would be if we all loved each other and accepted each other as we were? We all are different and we all are born to stand out, to change the quote of Dr Seuss. Instead of becoming and aping the starlets and the glamorous women who are shown on billboards and on social media whose real picture is photo shopped, airbrushed, highlighted, contoured to look all different.

Life has all become about filters, we just don’t want to show our real self anymore.

This has filtered to our villages also, the village shop boasts of an all time high sale of green tea, and every nook and corner we have girls who do facials, brightening ones to look all fair and lovely and the hair is masked for as cheap as Rs 5 thanks to Godrej kesh kala.

This has been the lament of one our maids who thinks I am going the wrong way and should color my hair jet black. I have hair that announces that winter is coming.  All the women go on early morning walks try new things just to loose weight and to look better.

Vanity, beauty is just not for the rich, its for the masses and is so rightly been used by the multinationals when they made every thing sachet size. From the soap, to the cream, to the body soap so full of perfume and the oil and the facemask has been economized and packaged attractively to lure the customer.

We are a nation in a hurry to look, be smart and western and this is influencing the next generation who subconsciously now think the way to arrive or to be noticed is to look western, wear clothes and to have hair that are cut, streaked , and teased ! In fact kids have started eating more junk food to escape eating whole some food and to just have kurkure so that they don’t get fat . It took me a long time to convince a young girl I taught that eating roti was healthy too. She didn’t want to get fat , you see .

To solve this weighty debate , and to stop the clock we need to be confident and embrace ourselves as we are and be confident and what we are ! Otherwise , you and me would also be shouting and saying no we aren’t 60 years old.

What's in a name ?

What is in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet  is a popular reference to William Shakespeare play of Romeo and Juliet . Shakespeare would have loved visiting my small village that has the most colorful names, its like as if the naming squad decided to pay homage to the Britishers who ruled us and just left all of us with complexes to have the white, fair skin and the best ode naming them after the gora log. So, one ambitious lady who wanted to out do the rest of the women, named her son Bladder. Bladder is the best cow-help we have, he can coax milk out of the most stubbornness’ of them.

His name as you can see is contradictory or on some levels an indicator to milking.

What must his mother be thinking when she named him this? Does she know what it means? I don’t think so. There is another tall, old, with a flowing beard Gursikh gentleman who works on the farm is in charge of the planting is quite senior in the hierarchy whose name is, Phanni. Yes, you heard it; it’s a funny name.

This person is extremely religious, makes annual trips to the gurudwaras and is a devout Sikh. He’s been a Phanni all his life and now has grandchildren who go to English schools.

The measure of success in Punjab is how well you speak English, to ape all mannerisms, to be a pseudo- intellectual with complete disdain for its rural identity. The culture, the identity and the ethos of what we stand for, has changed as we try to embrace a culture that is not ours.

At first we gave up wearing our clothes, and simultaneously the language we speak. In fact, it is a matter of grave concern if you can’t speak English and have an accent that is pronounced Punjabi and is pendu. Also, heaven forbid, if you wear Punjabi clothes and don’t wear the western attire. I have had ladies express horror and sadness that I lived in a village

And they wondered how I commuted to the city. It also doesn’t help that I wear suits and have hair that goes in a bun. And isn’t colored to suit the rainbow. I don’t have the requisite streaking you see.

They also wondered what I did in the evenings.  There are  William , Nathaniel all who live in the next village , who have the best waiters in town. I wonder, how many Alices ,Preety , who is pretty , by the way have a life that the Alice’s of the west have.

We name our children with a hope that the names influence their destiny but sometimes all the names chosen go astray. Issac of the next village is Issak now. It doesn’t end there, Lot became lutta , and Same became Semaa , the best green fingers doctor. It is how ever another story that he is a reformed drug addict who had a mild problem, is forever in  need of money but can coax life out of a dead plant also. He has magical green fingers.

The old fashioned names which were synonymous of Punjab, have given to names that are modern, short. We all try to blend in, to blend into a nameless, faceless society that has lost its will , identity and has forgotten to be proud. We are in fact a, society that is looking for answers from outside, and love blaming the ill wills to a fast paced virtual life that is so far away from the problems that plague us. Embracing oneself, bing proud of one’s heritage and sticking to the old fashion values that we had would lead us out of the problems of corruption that has seeped into the fabric. Naming a child with a fancy schmancy name isn’t deliverance, deliverance starts by the values, morals and the valor of yesteryear and don’t let it be relegated to monuments only . Till then , we have trivial twitter debates on Taimur’s name  and the recent ugly spat of Hrithik and Kangana!

What's in a name ?

What is in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet  is a popular reference to William Shakespeare play of Romeo and Juliet . Shakespeare would have loved visiting my small village that has the most colorful names, its like as if the naming squad decided to pay homage to the Britishers who ruled us and just left all of us with complexes to have the white, fair skin and the best ode naming them after the gora log. So, one ambitious lady who wanted to out do the rest of the women, named her son Bladder. Bladder is the best cow-help we have, he can coax milk out of the most stubbornness’ of them.

His name as you can see is contradictory or on some levels an indicator to milking.

What must his mother be thinking when she named him this? Does she know what it means? I don’t think so. There is another tall, old, with a flowing beard Gursikh gentleman who works on the farm is in charge of the planting is quite senior in the hierarchy whose name is, Phanni. Yes, you heard it; it’s a funny name.

This person is extremely religious, makes annual trips to the gurudwaras and is a devout Sikh. He’s been a Phanni all his life and now has grandchildren who go to English schools.

The measure of success in Punjab is how well you speak English, to ape all mannerisms, to be a pseudo- intellectual with complete disdain for its rural identity. The culture, the identity and the ethos of what we stand for, has changed as we try to embrace a culture that is not ours.

At first we gave up wearing our clothes, and simultaneously the language we speak. In fact, it is a matter of grave concern if you can’t speak English and have an accent that is pronounced Punjabi and is pendu. Also, heaven forbid, if you wear Punjabi clothes and don’t wear the western attire. I have had ladies express horror and sadness that I lived in a village

And they wondered how I commuted to the city. It also doesn’t help that I wear suits and have hair that goes in a bun. And isn’t colored to suit the rainbow. I don’t have the requisite streaking you see.

They also wondered what I did in the evenings.  There are  William , Nathaniel all who live in the next village , who have the best waiters in town. I wonder, how many Alices ,Preety , who is pretty , by the way have a life that the Alice’s of the west have.

We name our children with a hope that the names influence their destiny but sometimes all the names chosen go astray. Issac of the next village is Issak now. It doesn’t end there, Lot became lutta , and Same became Semaa , the best green fingers doctor. It is how ever another story that he is a reformed drug addict who had a mild problem, is forever in  need of money but can coax life out of a dead plant also. He has magical green fingers.

The old fashioned names which were synonymous of Punjab, have given to names that are modern, short. We all try to blend in, to blend into a nameless, faceless society that has lost its will , identity and has forgotten to be proud. We are in fact a, society that is looking for answers from outside, and love blaming the ill wills to a fast paced virtual life that is so far away from the problems that plague us. Embracing oneself, bing proud of one’s heritage and sticking to the old fashion values that we had would lead us out of the problems of corruption that has seeped into the fabric. Naming a child with a fancy schmancy name isn’t deliverance, deliverance starts by the values, morals and the valor of yesteryear and don’t let it be relegated to monuments only . Till then , we have trivial twitter debates on Taimur’s name  and the recent ugly spat of Hrithik and Kangana!

What lies within...

This universe is not outside of you.

Look inside yourself; everything that you want,

You already are.

Rumi

We keep on searching for answers, solutions for every little thing in our lives, ignoring the one and only truth. Every day countless people will go to astrologers, readers of the destiny via tarot cards, palmists, some one who will decipher your line and the latest is where they scan your palm when you have downloaded an app for X amount of money and the daily forecast is given to you. We wear colors for the day, align our days according to the stars and try to influence the destiny that has already been written for us. I am guilty too. I have tried everything and searched to find answers for whatever troubles or what I think ails my fears or me.

I would defiantly say now, nothing works, whatever has to happen will. We are mere puppets whose strings are with a higher force. Some are cynical, will scoff at what I say and some will say it’s a passing phase, but I wonder how long do we continue to say we are young, we’ve lived the odd 40 years on this planet and are approaching the final frontier and the final, inescapable truth.

All what we search is within you, its just a matter of being quiet and letting the outer mindless chatter not affect you or bother you. Easier said than done, nor does it happen overnight, there isn’t a calm pill that you pop in that you get this, nor does one clear the levels in a game and reach the pinnacle. A bird sitting on a branch does not worry about falling she lays trust on her wings to fly. We need to trust, and to believe in the inborn instinct we all have. Listen to it, it speaks the truth and it’s this truth that is His guidance. We fear, fear itself and this imaginary anguish has caused more heart break and failure combined than attempts.

In the end, we would go anywhere and learn, read scriptures, do penance, but until it His will, or razaa as my dear friend from across the border says, nothing can happen. This is an interesting word, razaa means will. Everything is pre ordained, pre ordered and willed by Him. Hence, we might go to the corners of the earth but the light lies within us and only  sparks when He wishes. It can happen and it cannot. We can pretend that we are enlightened but only when we submit to Him does the inner journey start.