Conversations With Biji 2

Every day I come across these quotes and lines by people , philosophers, poets and sometimes lines made by smart copy writers which do offer solace and make sense, they always do by the way , but to practice what we’re preaching is so difficult . I just remembered I can’t use any French words . 

When you walk into doors , tables and furnitures like I do , you get physically hurt , there is pain and more than often a bruise is left , a mark is there . And that fades with time and you get better and there is a mental check in your mind  where you don’t let it happen or as in my  case its still happening . I meet furniture , doors and just about anything . My poor knees are testament to it , they are creaking .

But , there is a side of us , that is hurt by others words ,actions and there is no way we can quantify them . I mean you can’t say oh I was hurt a kilo by her , or the betrayal cost me 5 tons or it took up space as much as my home. There isn’t any measure when we are hurt , betrayed or our trust is broken , there is undeniable pain . A mark that is invisible , just like the Death Eaters . 

However, the reaction to this , the getting angry , the planning of revenge , that is beyond pain , that is suffering . I don’t mean physical covert harm to the other here . We are not talking of MI5 here , or any other histrionics , I am talking about what goes in our mental frame work. We start with , I am in pain . I have been mistreated , I deserve more .

Look how , the I becomes foremost , when we start talking to ourselves. The mental commentary that we are having in our mind glorifies the ego and it creeps in and we start to wallow in self pity . If you have been harmed , no doubt that what happened was wrong , but the way you react to the situation in your head makes it worse . Now you are suffering because you can’t stop thinking about it . We go back to the incident or moment again and again and self pity sets in . All those creepy clingy emotions of the past come forth and take dominance and because we are feeding the negativity , it becomes bigger . 

Here , is where one has to stop. Count your blessings , be positive , instead of glorifying our ego and aggravating and enhancing the pain.  I don’t wish to be sanctimonious or superior in anyway , trust me I get mad and feel the pain just as much as you do and maybe am a bigger softie than all of you combined . I cry at the drop of the hat . 

You always have a choice to look at things differently and to deal with it because what I have  learnt in these years is that only you and only you will walk in your shoes , and you get to live it . So choose , wisely . Pain comes from harm , but suffering is how we choose to deal with the pain . Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

A lot of times, people won’t choose you , or will feel youre not good enough or they will have some grudge against you , you can’t fix them , you change your reaction to them . This is my take and as always we can either use this or skip !

Ps : This gyaan has been sponsored by a perfect cup of Hazel nut coffee, post covid amnesia , and gray hair .

Whats in a name?

In this day and age where we live virtually and have our identities carved by the names that are given , the trend is to have small syllable names ,more exotic the better and the roots are Persian or Islamic and sometimes just plain funny . In olden times , our names used to be kept by a pandit or a Bhaiji and that too after an elaborate naming ceremony where the alphabet would be taken from a specific religious line that came in regards to the child . This is too old fashioned and archaic for the times today and has been discontinued or manipulated to keep a foot in both time ; old and new. However, my village is still stuck in the old ages where name are kept the ones they proudly display on the Aadhar card but there are parallel names that are the real identity. The names all have such interesting history behind them , a Bladder , Phunny , Lutta , Latan , Tunda , Dhunda , Nehri. Titu the vakeel, D C , bola 26.

In a world where we are label each other as being as fair or dark , thin or fat , names are kept on what they are , and they stick as glue . Bladder is a milkman , and the story goes when his mother was pregnant with him , she was sewing footballs , hence the name bladder for him . She was the fastest , quickest worker , and the name was in english. Phunny because , he was fun loving when he went to school , and he used to crack jokes , it’s a different story that he is now a poker faced old man in hi slate 70’s now. Lutta is our handyman , with green fingers and when he was born to Aziz the tractor driver everything was lost , hence lutt Gaya . 

Latan , was the biggest land allottee of the area , she had the largest piece of land to her name and was the terror of the district ! 

Tunda and Dunda became grand fathers but their names were because of the body deformities .. I cant even begin to tell you about the ladies. Each has a particular name that was synonymous to her because of her youth and her nature . DC , Nehri  are all names because of their quick wit and style of working.

In an age where we are worried about labels of being fat , ugly , dark or fair of tall or short or body shaming is done, these names are more realistic and grounded .I grew up reading Shakespeare and the cheesy lines boys would use trying to impress girls, ‘A rose by any other name would smell sweet “ . The reference is used to state that the names of things do not affect what they really are . We all strive for perfection and Romeo would still be the same if his name was any different . 

Today’s world we are all trying to be something else because of unreal standards set by a world that doesn’t exist and is computer generated , or is a fantasy algorithm.I’m surrounded and am also guilty sometimes where it is kinder to have a filter sometimes , as we all like to be fair , have a chiseled face or have the trendy name . We don’t make them simple anymore , the cultural shift has happened where we are choosing unique names to be individual , to be different , and to be non conformist . This is to carve an identity , to foresee or to hope that an unique sounding name would make for a better life in the future . Apparently , an increase in common names meant of that generation correlated to the lower unemployment rates on both national and state levels.

This shift ,transition will see names like Narinder , Jatinder and Balbir be replace d by Nitika , Kashvi and Nyra … who would you call for an interview ? The names to shock in the west area different story ! Till then , I hope my name aka Biji stays .and , would you date a Kiara or a Kavita ?