Yeh Dill Mange More

Every morning, the first thing we all do is reach out for our phones and check our social media ,you’d be lying if you say you don’t. Maybe , you are the saintly one and you don’t . But all of us then proceed to sit on our thrones and scroll and check who posted what or what pictures had been posted . Today is , Kargil Diwas, and it marks 21 years of the heroic war that was fought by our soldiers on the treacherous slopes to overcome the enemy and claim back the peaks . 

So , I posted a single line status paying tribute to the years gone by , and the fact that it was Kargil Diwas. The sad part , is that I got four likes out of the 543 friends I have not that I was hankering for it to be trending or get maximum likes but the fact is that its not important . They will all see and not like the post , it hurts their gentle hands, but will keep on sharing mundane memes and go through stupid contests and other stuff that has no relevance.

Why is our patriotism so limited and so selective ? Barely two months have elapsed to Galway , but we choose to forget and go on with our lives as Corona hit us out of the ball park. You know as humans we are so selfish in saving our own asses that we forget in drinking kadhas and turmeric lattes and the ginger garlic shots we don’t even bat an eyelid for the soldiers who have died or die to save us so that we may worry about Corona.

Maybe I am being condescending or a sanctimonious prick but this has been galling me since last afternoon . Usually my sundays are lazy , I even switch off my from my Fitbit and give in to gastronomic feasts .

As a nation , we are so lost in divisive politics, game of thrones to bring Cersei and Tyrion to shame and worry more whether Dhoni would play or not . You know , if all the local leaders and the so called wannabe politicians would just com out in support of the armed forces and show some solidarity ad we could virtually support them ,out of your numerous friends there must be one army officer. Imagine how , you could choose to boost his or her moral by being behind me and acknowledging the supremes sacrifice. 

Think about it , they walked and walked to the peak wearing outdated World war 2 clothing ,trudging along without a care for their personal lives , knowing death was upon them and was raining down at them just because India counted on these brave warriors .

The least we could do is pay respect , yes we  have our own ways and I just wanted an old fashioned rant .. even the Beast’s heart started beating again when he fell in love , what would take for yours to beat again ? 

satvinder

There was no place on earth that come close to Punjab especially in the monsoon season . The sway of the fields and the green against the dark menacing clouds was just spectacular..breathtaking , and Satvinder and her friends were sitting next to the village pond and dreaming about pakoras . It was a must that when it rains its the duty , faraz of potatoes and onions to be joined in a batter and jump into hot oil as pakoras ! It was just one of the unwritten rules that all followed .

Her mother and father at home had another dilemma they were facing . Someone from the next village had come with a match for Satvinder , they wanted a winter wedding and all that was required was that she give an IELTS exam plus the 22 lakhs for the boys travel visa to the agent. It was a good match , the boy belonged to a good family , they had a reasonable farm and the most important was that he was the only son . They were connected and the father was the Sarpanch ( village headman ) . 

He had all the charisma , and outreach in the neighbouring villages and they’re izzat would be doubled in front of the biradaari . It all was that mattered to him, , daughters were expendable , and were just meant to be guarded till they reached the marriageable age and ‘rabb da shukhar Si ‘ she was gori Chitti and wasn’t wheatish like her mother . He had been wronged when he had been married.

Satvinder came home , without a care and ran in asking for a cup of tea from the maid , Rano. Rano was her confidante , her help , her true friend who would always help her to get out of scrapes. She knew not what she would do without her . Rano called her inside , and told her that a match had come for her and they were considering the pros and cons. She asked in jest , is he good looking ? Is he handsome? Where , what and how did everything happen ...

Rano told her all about him , and that what did they wish for her to. She didn’t mention about the money bit . That was Biji’s place to tell .

Giving an english exam wasn’t tough ,it was just an exam . She could study , and take classes and qualify . Living abroad in Canada was the stuff of dream and she would be away from all the oppression and the strict attitude of her father . She would have freedom and she could wear and do exactly what she wanted .

It all started with a small ceremony , they gave her a beautiful gold bangle and she loved it . Everything was just as what she had wanted and studying , giving her exam and talking to Satnam made life perfect . 

Satvinder was constantly coached by her mother over little nuances of life and how she should conduct herself. It was nagging sometimes. She shopped and days flew and everything fell in place. The whirlwind romance, the holding of hands, giving the exam and getting the requisite band that was needed by her. She knew that she looked beautiful on the day of the wedding , her lehenga and jewelry made her look like a princess !

And , it was like a dream that all had fallen in place and she looked at her jeans and herself sitting in the aeroplane . Her choora and mehendi was dark , ( she was a favorite of her mother in law ) . Satvinder started to sniff and cry thinking about her family , parents and everyone she had left behind but she knew it would be a start of a new beginning. She looked forward to it and Satnam was loving and he was also caring in his ways . Sometimes , he held her very hard when he kissed her and the entire act of lovemaking was just too hard . She had no one to ask , and googling said it gets easier .

A long flight and he was there to receive her . Everything was forgotten after she saw his familiar face in the sea of people and the buzz. Thank God ,her english was good and her ear for accent was very good. Her head was spinning , the time difference, the new place, the smells it all seemed alien. This wasn’t the image in her mind . But anyhow, she knew all would be fine .

Going home with Satnam , collecting luggage and reaching a tall building confused her. They were supposed to go to a home , those were the pictures she had seen. When she asked him ,he just this is a new flat ,  Ive bought, i wish to take you there . You’re my darling wife.

Anticipating the best , she knew her fears were unfounded. He took her up to flat and she also lugged in her extra bags . Walking in to the flat , which was new and brand new , she looked around. He took her to the bed , and that had been decorated with flowers on the side . The gesture won her over and he felt the weariness seep away . 

Would you want to eat something ? Do you want a cup of tea? , he asked .

Nothing , just that I need a bath and I will just come back . I need to get the smell off me , she said.

Coming back after washing her hair and wearing the new night suit , she came close t him . He hugged her and took her in his arms , and the frenzy of tugging and kissing started. She wanted him to go slow , but he was a man possessed. The roughness and the pinching and the brutality made her ache and she was sore . He even had hit her on the back and that had triggered his release . This didn’t seem right .

He rolled over and told her he’d back in the morning . She was tuned , what do you mean? 

I am married to someone here , her name is Janet . I just had to go with what my father wanted as he was threatening to disown me if  I didn’t marry a Punjabi girl . So , I just put some conditions and your father fell for all of them . He gave the money and I used it and you can live here for a month , the rent is paid , there is food in the fridge . 

She was shocked , trying to register what all was said . She was in Canada , discharged off by her father , as she fit the bill ,used by her husband to settle the score with his father and she had been just sort of been raped . What a life .Who would she call or what would she say ? 

She said Satnam , what did  I do wrong? I will be a good wife. don’t do this to me. My father will die when he hears of this . Please , please listen to me as he walked away . 

It was an act , I don’t care about you .Look at yourself, you’re pendu, no style , uncouth , simple woman who cant ever match me . You’re here in Canada , that’s what you wanted , now life your life .

He walked away. 

Shattered , shell shocked ,she sat down and dialler her father . 

Hello , Papaji .

Haanji , Ive reached , haanji I am fine . 

Oh , I am so glad , is Satnam there? He must be taking so much care , what a huge bungalow he has. You are so lucky . You are the envy of the entire khandaan and your Uncle says in a few years your brother can also come there after you get your citzenship. I am so proud of you . You’re my putt .

Hearing him say this, silent tears fell on her cheeks and she listened to him talking non stop and his happiness knew no bounds . She was in Canada and all that matters was that she could get them here.

Every Punjabis dream ... another girl lost her self .

Sheela

Her name was Sheela . She was so shy , that she just wouldn’t look up , it was as if she wanted to disappear into the ground and it be found. Her father had talked about the evening school that was being held and everyone went there and that there were free bags , clothes and stationary given to the children. she teaches them well but ‘Seedhi hai " ; she doesn’t know that they get free books from school . But kya Farak padta hai .

Let the children also go and maybe Om can learn something and pass his board .That is all that is needed and he can take up a job as a chowkidar . She was so happy that at least she would be able to learn something and maybe draw more.

Sheela didn’t mind carrying the books , that he gave to her carry as long as she was allowed to come for the class . The teacher was fun , lively and she could do her homework and sometimes she gave them time to draw. She even showed her drawings to the entire class ! Sheela loved that ; even if she felt so and could not speak up when they were clapping for her.

And next week , the teacher had planned a visit to the city and it was for a general check up . The first they would be having ever. It was in a private hospital and they wouldn’t t be paying anything . Food wold be given , and something to drink. They had all made badges for themselves and theyre were a list of instructions to follow.

School was great , class was brilliant ,and it was ok to do the chores at home and then to press Pitaji and Chachaji’s feet . This was a century old tradition and it didn’t matter where you were living or what century or what time it was if they come back ,it was her mothers and her moral duty to press their feet till they slept.

Bechara, had worked all day long and they were the bread winners and were purush . It was followed in all castes . 

The day came and she was very excited . It was a field trip and she was going to the city . She dressed in her long skirt and choli , took her chunni and did her hair in her trademark in red ribbon . That she loved , her hair in a plait and a fat red ribbon at the end.. 

Sitting in a bus and looking out and dreaming they reached the hospital . Sheela hadn’t ever seen such a huge building, it was bigger than the cold store also . The lurching of the bus had made her a bit queasy but everyone around her was normal and were all joking . The girls wore bright suits and Chunnis and some had the glittering pendant sold at the nukkad shop. All of them had worn eye liner or Kajal . She knew she looked lovely . 

They went in proper lines and started getting their first general health check up . Teacher ji , had said she would get her eyes also checked up , her constant headache must be dealt with .Maybe she had a tumour and that meant she would die .

Sheela was in the line for girls and they were taken in to the female ward . A doctor did their heigh and weight and a quick prick o check her blood . This would help in knowing about the country and they would be give supplements to become strong.

Suddenly there was commotion , and Ma’am came running . She asked what it was , a cacophony of voices were coming and they all were talking at the same time . Ma’am , she’s fainted , she fell ,she’s wet herself.

I was aghast , what had happened . I had taken responsibility for every one of them and I knew what was coming when I went back home .

The Gynaecologist took me aside and said it’s normal , she wet herself when the nurse asked her to remove the skirt and she fainted when I explained that I was going to examine her. After much persuasion , I examined her . She is suffering from severe depression and has been sexually abused .

The day changed from light to dark. Everything became grey and the sharpness of black and white went and all that I had strived for was lost .

We came back and all the kids were happy and they all had medicines and further appointments and follow up . At least something went right and all was not lost .

In my hubris and lack of finesse , I thought calling her parents and complaining about this would smoothen things . I wanted to protect and shelter and get her to talk. The shyness and the mannerism was all because of her being abused repeatedly and her stance was all typical .The words rang in my ears and I knew I had to help. 

I called the father from work ; after all he worked for us . Why would he not listen ? And he had to listen and fix this . Fathers are supposed to protect , they are meant to shield from any harm . I was all charged up and waited and fired up , geared up to fix this . 

Evening came, twilight came , birds settled and it was dusk time. The father came and I explained delicately that I need to take her to the doctor for lady problems ... 

He said yes ,I wills end her , she will go to the doctor for sure.

I slept so well that might , thinking that I could save her and draw her out of her shell. Next morning , I sent our Man Friday , Panditji to get her so we may take her to the doctors for a private consultation .

The room was all empty ,stripped bare , naked and all that was left was a red ribbon fluttering on the window grill.

Shaufta

Every day , you think life would be different. You think , ok another sun rise , and its a new day , dawn and all that bull shit spiel that you sell yourself to live another day . But , you know what , it doesn’t change . You psyche yourself everyday that oh things will be better. The planetary positions thanks to the solar eclipse , and the ongoing lunar eclipse that was coming forth would have a positive influence . But it didn’t matter.

If you have a point , you’re stubborn and stupid ( aka big reveal you’re a woman ) and if you have an opinion you have these labels. But if you’re a man , thanks to the biological assets given to you by the Holy Father , you are on the other hand forceful , manly . Men actually know everything beta , how many times had her grandmother told her this?

Crying , she knew this would be told her . She had to understand and adjust and compromise that was what was expected of nice girls who belonged to good families.

Where did they get these adjectives as nice , good? Shagufta thought . What was worse in these Covid times? Being a Muslim or a woman or a wife or being married ? Everyone of these situations were damning her and she was suffocating . She wanted to take online classes and teach the students and earn some money. In that way she would be independent and she could also while away her time and use it constructively .

What is the point of an education if it comes with the sole purpose to marry ? All her friends were educated , they all had dreams but apparently that didn’t matter , you just needed to marry well. Education was a tick in the check list and not to be used for employment purposes.

She wanted to change the lives of others but right now it was as if she had no control over hers.

Ali , didn’t even take her side. He was the one who abused her with these. Appeasement and love was just temporary to have sex and to get over with the physical urge , she doubted it was anything to do with love . Love was just an over rated emotion ;she had provided him and the family with the three children . She was expendable with the three words , nothing that the Modi government had done had changed her life, it was just a publicity exercise.

What did they know about the reality ? 

Shagufta ,just knew that she could die and life would go on after the janaza . A few tears would be shed , lot of wailing would be done and two weeks hence , they would start saying oh bechara Ali , needs to marry . Who will look after his kids? He needs a companion , he needs someone to take care of his needs.

She knew , if the situation was reversed nothing like this would happen . No one would ask her to remarry , no one would wonder where her physical or other needs would be fulfilled . It would be deemed ok for her to live like a widow and deal with everything in her own way .

The monsoon season was on them , and Lucknow was going to get flooded again, especially her street and by lanes. The first drop of rain , the unbelievable sensual fragrance that couldn’t be bottled would escape and it was as if everyone’s temper and all the anger and frustration would just melt away.

Ali , came back and asked for his cup of tea , she made it in the way he wanted and he got busy with his phone . Lost in his world , he kept on checking his messages and time elapsed. Dark clouds kept on gathering ,and it seemed any moment it would rain . He shouted again for his chai, it was a sacred routine , coming back and chai and then unwinding . The first cup back from his office was all that mattered to him . The cup was there and she came to pick it up and then replace it with another cup of steaming tea . He shouted as he did , you stubborn , stupid woman. How many times have you told I want my chai ? Why cant you get it right ? You’re useless and not worth anything . Didn’t your mother teach you anything ? Why don’t you go away form my sight ? 

Ask my ammi to make the tea .

She went away . 

As the clouds darkened and the wind started blowing like a banshee , everyone knew the monsoon rain had arrived and the oppressive heat would be lifted . As the first drop fell, a sudden creak was heard . Ali heard it and dismissed it , must be one of the stairs and went back to his school group . Someone had sent a nude clip and he was getting aroused . When the creak changed to a loud thing falling , he knew something had broken . He got up , and shouted Shagufta , Shagufta Kay hua , Kahan ho ? Kya Gir Gaya.

He opened the door , and the first smell of the raindrops came and he saw her swaying from the fan , with her chunni , chair fallen .

Rain fell incessantly , and she had also escaped .. forever .