Happy mothers Day

 Dear Mom ,

Everyone tells me that time is running out and we never get to say the things which are meant to be said, thinking that they are all understood but that isn’t the case. A day was finally dedicated to mothers , a woman who has the guts , the grits and the determination more than anyone in the world .I could have just used Chat Gpt and written the best corniest lines but can a program write what it means to be a mother ? The tears , the sweat , the pain, the sacrifice so that her child / children get the best ; and this holds true for the richest to the poor . Mothers are made of a different genetic stricture , they love , embrace, cuddle , scold , get angry , get mad , correct you when you are wrong with one glance of their eyes. Every mother has a special tell, which she uses to discipline and when they are older they make fun of their mother that she used to look at like this … but you know someday soon that shoe is going to fit you also .

Mom , mother , Mataji , Amma , Ammi , Biji , Bebeji , mater , mama all words to lovingly call her ,because talking to her makes everything right , just one phone call, a hug that is pure and without any reason . That embrace , just what is needed to make things right . A mother will give anything to be with her child , to make things right , to see that he or she gets it all and will smother them with all the love and also be the biggest disciplinarian to balance everything . I used to wonder why mine was strict while I was growing up but you know subconsciously all those little habits get ingrained in you to make you a better person when you’re the adult . Moms , will sleep on your schedule if you’re in a different country and different time zone and will yearn for you but keep quiet ! 

 I want to thank you for shaping me , putting values , giving me an identity and to stand tall and to know about right and wrong , a love of books and the best of all good skin! The genes come out strong ! 

I don’t know how you hide the pain , and the suffering and taking everything in your stride and to still smile and keep everything together . Mothers are glue and keep everyone bound , and connected . Be kind to her if she doesn’t know the technology changes , she wasn’t born in a world where this rapid advancement and desensitisation of human emotions was . I love their era of slow fashion , under stated elegance, the chiffon sarees and the pearls and the French chignon hair do or the simple bindi and just being content . The motherly  wisdom imparted with grace and the patience reservoir deeper than oceans with the subtle tact to steer one in the right direction . Mothers are warm hugs , kisses to soothe, to push away all the darkness and sadness and just hearing her say all will be ok and one is magical.

They truly are magical creatures , treasure them , call them and love them to bits . Some bonds aren’t because of blood but some women come  in your lives to nurture you and guide and love and to have a patient ear at all times, they are also mothers . My brood calls me  mataji , mom and  Mummy and Ammi and mother .

The way they say it , makes me know what it is and what’s bothering them? Was I taught this ? Did I have a manual ( a secret society induction ) ? No , you just know. And as my Wednesday begrudgingly hugs , life is complete and better when I get a call from the other .Happy Mothers Day to all you beautiful strong mothers who have raised us , may we be them and raise a stronger next generation ! To our mothers in heaven , we miss you and if given a chance again , I love you is all I wish to say .

The Modern Women

 It’s the best time of the year , we have our own spring uprising , winter is still lingering and its clutches still hold sway just like Games of thrones. It’s as if we all are Westerosi . But , coming back to Punjab and the small village I live in , I had gone to attend one of the giant steps taken by our village panchayat . They had decided to attend for the first time to celebrate women’s day , progress in the hands of the change in vanguard of politics and everyone started to talk.

Women love to talk , we love to engage and exchange ideas and sometimes just take tips to make lives better for ourselves . Everyone started to reminisce about the times of bygone and one aunty who was an ex army officers wife started speaking about her times . As always she wanted to put across how modern she was and ahead of her times. 

It’s always been the case in Punjab , that people who joine the army were a tad bit more sophisticated and had more style , etiquette’s and panache than the rest of the plebeian folks. It had to do with the travelling and having an exposure and learning how the rest of the country lived. Auntyji , in her hey days wore sarees and that was unheard of girls from villages who came from patriarchal Jat Sikh , conservative and traditional families who traveled from point A to point b with no exposure . So , she was a newly wed in the early 60’s and wore sarees and was asked lovingly by her officer husband to wear a sleeveless blouse. 

The city of posting was Lucknow; the city of Nawabs, romance and shayarani and old world charm and grandeur . So , this small village girl to please her husband wore a saree and a sleeveless blouse to show off her lovely arms and her bangles . She went for a party and was coming back , when the Sahibji was informed the Biji has come from Punjab to live with them. And, lo all Chaos happened and she knew she was going to get a tongue lashing and a dressing down . Her husband told her to cover her arms with the French chiffon saree , but that didn’t help!

When she entered n front of her dragon of a mother in law , she was told in the highest form of sarcastic , rustic wit , that the tailor has made invisible sleeves. 

Life has changed from girls wearing sarees but keeping them selves covered and still being attractive and sensual . Now the idea is to bare all , twerk , post suggestive pictures and if you’re not showing some skin you’re not modern enough . 

Is display of flesh a sign of modernity and a benchmark of being novel , and being in vogue. Modernism means embracing the quality of present or recen times by being forward thinking . To change ones mindset, and not be regressive and be of present times. We as a country have repressed and regressed and freedom of our expression of women is being curtailed . It is frowned upon when women wear revealing clothes or western clothes as they can incite and inspire sexual feelings in men . Why the false promises of empowerment, when we have to fight even for representation in the largest democracy of the world? It’s unfolding in two months and lets see what happens. Women in our country remain seen but are unheard , an uprising is needed but then is rudely called as being feminist bra burners. It’s not that , we just want to be treated as a human . And, then a saree wearing , hijab covered , or a sleeveless shirt with shorts is free to do what she wants and the rest don’t have to stare or gawk at her.For me , I still wait for ache din , or maybe I can see from above up there in the heaven or hell depending where my friends are.

This is an old piece and In ever posted it or it just got lost as sometimes my thoughts go . After the uprising by Taliban’s and the over throw and the recent strike on freedom in Iran and the continuous killings , molestation , rapes and just non stop degradation that carries on . 

My maid had the best answer , she says newspapers are printed so we gareeb can wrap our roti in it , Baaki Sab Bikka huya hai ( everything else is sold ) . It’s true isn’t it? 

Ravneet Sangha