Happy woman’s day with a discount

 My inbox is inundated with offers for Women’s day and mind you all I get is a 10percent off and also a very lucrative buy one get one free offer ! This offer is always for some weird cream which will miraculously on this woman’s day make me look lovely , charming and white and all my skin problems will go and they cherry on top is that they will give me a free one ! 

I don’t understand every year like sheep we are swayed into the clever marketing that plays on our insecurities and we end up buying creams clothes , fancy sandals and just about every ayurvedic cream to lighten , clean , exfoliate the skin where ghee has been used ( 100 times washed ) that is the key word! We all get duped , me too. It plays subtlely on our psyche and seeps deep that all this if not bought would make us less attractive! Every year , the day comes and we all dress in our Indian finery , wear badges , eat a brownie or drink a cocktail specially made for us and think that we have won the world . Fancy speeches are made on empowerment panels , plans and strategy is made but does this stop the heckling , eve teasing for the fact that girls are beaten , raped and chopped and all that continues on this day also .

How about a 10 percent off on this day ? How about a vanishing cream to wipe these dreaded criminals ? How about you focus on the woman the identity , the stature than the body that is prey to be defiled and assaulted? Society judges , divides and cuts so brutally and you know the pathetic answer that they give is sorry , we wont do that again. 

Movies  like Pink , Mrs , The Great Indian Kitchen show are made , they impact and they fade into obscurity. I will have the maximum shares on quotes for nari , nari Shakti and how we the giver , nurturer of life is important and the scriptures are quoted but all I see is skewed growth more than ever. How about this woman’s day you make the women who have sons promise that we will raise better sons ? We will work on their complexities and psyche and make them better human beings who understand the influence of alcohol not beat up women , or make them work as maids , not make them small , and treat them as equal . Try this , this year and not give us lip service .. I sincerely hope this year the politician at the helm instead of bulldozing home spaces, and doing an eye wash rises to the occasion and stops the rot . 

Real empowerment for me is not a day but everyday where we are treated as human biengs and not subjugated , assaulted , raped and not made to feel good with roses for a day , try it every day ! Try giving us the way on the road , not honking or whistling or touching every single part , or shoving yourself on us. Why does the male angle only rise for one’s sister ? Try giving us freedom to be , and not judge on basis of color , or physical attributes , imagine you being rejected because your skin was dark or your nose was funny ! I could go on and on but I think you get the gist and this discriminatory messaging should stop , WhatsApp has gon bonkers for me ! Till then Happy Day and happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light - Albus Dumbleore 

The age of innocence

It’s beautiful to have grandchildren and to be a child with them and to see the world through their un-jaded eyes . It’s what is happening in this phase of my life . My grandson who is a 4 year old wonder kid amazes me every single day and it’s like reliving my life with boys . When my boys were around 4 years Swiss Kinder egg chocolates were the biggest gift to them and to eat the chocolate and then to make the little toy that came with them . I still have the entire collection to be gifted .So when this particular one opened now , it had these glow in the dark chameleon and the coincidentally the next one was also a chameleon 

I made up a story that they both needed to climb the plant kept inside , and they were parents and were climbing the plant. He went a step ahead and started putting them to bed by throwing them in the pot at night . Every single day we do this and every morning we wake them up.

I just love this imagination ! We have discussions on Avengers and Justice League and Black Panther and today he  wanted to open the Captain America shield to check the vibranium ! This is a 4 year old !! I introduced him to what else Harry Potter and he loves his swish of the wand and Wingardium Leviosa ! This is what childhood should be before we burden them with books and competitions. We need to let them be and let them walk and find out about ladybirds, mushrooms that grow at night and have magical fairies in them . 

The fact that he is learning punjabi and english and Hindi and knows that the help is bhai and is now called Pankaj  Singh ! and the milk help is a Bhaji and he is worried about the new born calves and kids . He’s named one Oreo! We as society should let children be children and not discipline them  to be  little robots who know everything or can recite and impress the guests . Let them be , they have the world to face slowly and slowly , everyone has their pace ,let’s not be quick to judge them and their parents . Social media confuses us by giving us tools and flip cards and these new tablets and laptops . 

How much fun is it when they can embrace and accept everything with purity and innocence and aren’t jaded or made to confirm? Everything will come naturally , and from using it in his sentences he has figured out that it’s a he /she . He didn’t Trump to pass an official statement! The sweetest was last month we finished a big fat punjabi wedding and one of our close relatives was wearing a saree and she wore a sleeveless blouse , so this babe in the woods with all his seriousness remarked that why was she wearing banyan ( vest ) to the wedding ? I guess this little punjabi boy hadn’t ever seen one!! But it was so sweet and had us all laughing!!

Independence Day

 It’s so strange and ironical that we have back to back Independence Days , two countries forever entwined like twins by hate and a common border . Every day we breathe and live the same air but are sworn enemies on and off the cricket ground and hockey and then we have a fresh whiff of air via Olympics. The strapping Jat Arshad Nadeem and Neeraj have scripted history and their mothers have so beautifully sealed it . The purity and innocence where they both claim to be the mother of both and are happy for them and their sons. It speaks volume of the magnanimity and the large heartedness of these village ladies . 

It’s the same here where in my village they all remarked that he’s also just like us and is a mason ( mistry’s ) son and is a worker just like us . He’s worked in the fields and is pendu like us . This association across borders of human bonding is just so beautiful. Every single day , I text my best friend who is closer to me in distance than my own parents in Chandigarh but it’s impossible to meet her . Majority of the country populations wish to meet , visit , have trading partners and just mingle . We are two countries that can benefit each other but because of  two sets of politicians this side and that side we are made to believe that we are out to kill each other.

Countless governments have come and gone , all fighting over Kashmir and believing it’s ours and no one in the end remembers that once we are gone land remains and we vanish into oblivion. Yesterday and today’s katha from Darbar Sahib , stressed again and again that wealth has no master .

Our entire life we keep on hankering , running after wealth and try to get more and more of it and then we die do you think that the wealth we have accumulated cries for its lost master ? In the bigger scheme of things all that remains is our name and what goodwill we have left behind as karma . These two sporting giants will forever be loved and remembered for their mothers who brought them up so well and brought a cheer and a smile to our faces . Isn’t that true freedom across borders ?

Our founding fathers who were from one country , educated , having deep roots together and our finest having roots in Karachi and Gah , who together fought to free themselves from Colonial rule , then were pitted against each other to be brutally divided , killed , and scarred forever , envisaged two nations born with ideals which have been lost forever . What shames today ,is the rape and torture and murder of a young doctor who was just resting and has been gang raped and brutally killed , and then they talk of equality , where we are afraid to sleep . In shame , and in despair and pain I welcome the Independence Day and the only sliver of hope is that Vignesh will get her silver today and that would be retribution to all the killed , raped , sexually assaulted girls who still fight for the country and system .

As , the chowkidar of my village said , till we don’t hold boys responsible , this  will continue because all everyone says is Sanu  ki? 

Age old Problems

 No one prepares you for getting old and it’s the toughest for us women . Suddenly anything and everything that can go wrong hits us , every bone creaks , everything is falling and all joints make different noises as if there is a symphony in us . AI is so smart that its bombarding my feed with shortcuts ,steps to make my life healthier , how to seize it back  and to ensure longevity , and to also beat all my ailments for a 15 day free trial period and then to pay! 

Before I know it my heart isn’t healthy thanks to a healthy addiction to cheese , thyroid has crept in and knees ache and my back makes more noise if  I happen to get up too fast and don’t even talk about how tough it is to sit on the floor cross legged , I wish I was like the fakir from TinTin. Sometimes the bhogs test every gluteal muscle of mine and then getting up is another story .

Then it further confused me that should I go with the new age , yogic , holistic approach to saving my crumbling hormonal mess or go the newest gen x scientific inject yourself with a cocktail of vitamins , an IV drip or sit in an  oxygen bar , and then fast , cleanse myself to oblivion. 

So I went with the old as time , yogic holistic approach to life and restore my health , by drinking every masala , condiment in shots , with jeera water , to Dhanya water , to Chia to drinking umpteen amounts of green tea and not eating paranthas and just being conscious of my intake . All that happened was an increase in crazy smells and constipation and some crazy diarrhoea!my conclusion was that the only way that i could lose weight or keep myself in check was by walking to China , getting the tea leaves and drinking it or going to the Americas and getting the chia seeds . The yoga wasn’t for me , the lazy dog , or the lazy sit on the chair yoga for beginners, this punjabi soul was just too round and anti yoga! 

With all these ayurvedic concoctions , I went natural with my products too , the hair oils was so pungent it was as if I had applied mango pickle to my hair , and it didn’t go away , the hair didn’t get saved , the grays definitely remained and there was thinning and no thickening ! Trying to buy the ayurvedic , natural ,organic , pure products were just burning a hole in my pocket and didn’t help with saving my skin . The other modern laser injection , Botox , filler , exercise and do Pilates and eat my greens , intermittent fasting wasn’t me . My soul needed the cake and the momos and the golgappas and the occasional parantha and the cheese and the pizza .if this was cutting my life short by a  few years what was I going to do with the extra few without being happy along the way? 

The Curious Case of Reels

 Every day brings forth new surprises and I think I have seen it all with my grey hairs but then something new happens that makes me believe in the balance of life and how advanced we have become . There is a certain hubris that I have that I know it all ( I know and can hear see the smirks on you all ) but I honestly think that we are advancing and the rest of the classes aren’t ! But this happened with us last week in our sleepy village that is on the cusp of rapid construction and development . We have an old aunty who colors her hair jet black and is of some nondescript age , for the better part of last year we thought she was a Hindu and come Eid and we realised that Gudiya with her trademark bindi was a Muslim . Life kept on moving along and seasons changed and this year as  bad luck would have it , all the help decided to leave at the same time , one was in love and had had to go back to Ayodhya to get married . His story is for another day , the cook and his wife had to go away for a marriage that they just couldn’t miss. The entire household was staff less , minus any work force and all the ladies were lamenting that how would we survive?!

And Guddi Aunty , had to go back to Gorakhpur in the midst of all her rozas and fasting because of an important court case . So , when we asked what was the emergency as only she was leaving and  Toofani ( her husband ) wasn’t going ? So in all her mighty loud voice that is louder than her timid body she told us of her daughter in law  who was dancing and putting Bhangra and making videos and uploading on Facebook and making money 

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The entire community was up against her and they frowned upon her not following the norms of polite society. She was so upset that the bahu was dancing and posting content and influencing other girls and her entire community was in an uproar . So her son had filed for a divorce and married another lady , had two boys and had flown to Oman to work and in the meanwhile because the judge was ruling on a Saturday she had to go and pay the final divorce amount of 1 lakh.

Isn’t this all interesting and more exciting than any serial airing on Zee network or any Pakistani play? So she went to Gorakhpur , paid the money to the ex bahu who had become so modern and was baring her legs in a short pant , drove a motorcycle and had cut her hair . On top of it she had the audacity to be nice to Guddi Aunty and had offered her chai and samosas!

It so seems to be an episode out of Mamla Legal Hai , the number one legal show on netflix! This is how the society exists and we are truly moving forward. It’s such a mix of simple yet complex human beings, we embrace technology as if its our second arm but hesitate to break the traditions and impose all restrictions on women because in India , honor lies only with women . If her own son was making money with reels would there have been a divorce? Till the verdict is out , progress was made by the judge where he gave a substantial amount to the child to be used when she is of legal age. 

Fifty and Fabulous

A day later , I turn fifty . It seems old and everyone around me thinks it is but I just don’t feel the fifty that every one associates with it . The cliche is that when one is 50, the knees are creaking , a gentle weight gain is there and everything creaks and groans and more so gravity is pulling things down! But , I feel fifty and fabulous and all things good . In some ways I feel as old as Dumbledore with the ways of the world . The fast pace of the world , the change in attitudes , the loss of  morality and values , the over dependence on the digital world and the barriers created by the virtual lives we have . The over projection of one self and the life we have the one we portray to the rest through our filters and covered with masks . Earlier , importance was given to family and  the tight knit community we all belonged to but things changed , deteriorated where we lost all touch with our values . You know the old fashioned ones , like respecting our elders , to hold our counsel, to not speak in front of them , to be scared of speaking one’s mind . I am at crossroads , still clinging on to my roots , to hold on to what there was and not let it slip by .

Books got replaced by gists that can be read on kindle , newspapers are obsolete, and no one reads print media ,we are taken over by Instagram and Snapchat . It’s fashionable to have a digital detox, that is the level of addiction we are facing .  And here , I thought detox was limited to just losing weight and cleansing ones system. In the hurry to be modern , we all grew up but we forgot that we needed to hold onto our values that made us unique .  At 50 , I feel proud of my boys becoming men and starting a new chapter in my life , where I can hopefully travel more , visit the places that I have on my bucket list , the ones that I have read about and imagined scenarios of the past ! Also , another funny thing happened with me , I have become more and more like my parents; subconsciously we pick up those habits we made fun about . I love opening windows even when it’s so so cold and the fog drifts in, and listening to kirtan and then the katha .

Circle of life for me , and then my favorite food has become khichdi , here I have become old . Coffee is getting replaced by just plain hot water ( though not so quick ) . The grey hair that I have are getting more stubborn and refuse to be coloured , they have a mind of their own and are asserting their independence ! The wrinkles and the change in face is all mine and Im happy that I survived all to reach to this . The only that is getting better is my eyesight , it does happen . Honest . They say I am a Biji , Im fine with that. For me  my Biji was all things loving , comforting , my security blanket , her pristine pastel suits with light embroidery , her dupatta , the faint smell of Boroline and her wise wise eyes .. her love for me that cant be put in words . A special bond so pure and priceless . Just because i wear suits and lived in a village , it was thought that I am old fashioned and pendu .views and outlook aren’t measured by your mini skirt or your tight fits or open frizzy hair  with faces with more fillers that the roads needed . 

All I can say is that I don’t promise the next 50 but whatever years  I have , I would just say value your loved ones , your parents , in laws , siblings , children , because nothing is worth being upset about . Life is too short , and before you know it some words are left unsaid . Even someone life me who talks too much sometimes is at a loss of words . Im happier being quieter now , my quota is exhausted . Enjoy the flowers , smell the roses , take a walk , embrace nature and read along the way . Dry those tears and smile away , things will look better in the morning , because you have better eyesight than me ! 

The Forgotten Suit

 I live in a tier 2 city of the country , Bharat formerly known as India and my only claim to fashion and couture is when we have exhibitions and pop-ups by various designers who decide to visit us and takeaway our hard earned money . It’s a catch 22 situation , you can’t miss ‘em and you can’t leave em so you join em because one keeps on thinking something new and scintillating would be there and you need to buy and wear that outfit which would be a head turner . 

Now , as life would have it , one goes for these sales and various lifestyle , luxury bridal exhibitions dressed up decently and you go there to browse and have fun and sample the wares. However , increasingly that is not the case , the turn out , foot fall is there to buy ethnic clothes ( key word ) dressed in tighter white jeans than  Jeetendra and more white jeans are seen than in the state of California , with diamonds and baubles to flaunt to out-weigh and out rank one another . Women are seen not in smart clothes , but shirts that are a mix of Lycra, polyester and something so shiny that it seems an experiment went wrong. Why are we aping some weird culture on Instagram which is not how the west dresses.

Wearing a Chloe bag and heels and a dress in a rickety way and falling in the grass is not trendy , wearing loose rap style grunge jeans with a tank top and ugly skin showing isn’t style , wearing those weird foam chappals and dirty feet isn’t a style statement and even the weird dress which had no backand everything was held up by gravity and the stickies.

My mind went into shock ! I just cannot go there …..this is me turning 50 soon and trying to comprehend fashion and making sense of the make up . I have seen more winged liner and foundation and made up faces than a Sephora mart . The style gets worse with golden hair color , and just losing the plot . Imagine hugging a friend and getting war paint on you and then streaking oneself. At a stall , by just complimenting about the print they kept on showing dresses so asking for a salwar suit , one is told why do you need a suit ? Why do you want to wear a suit ?

We are losing our identity , our style because heaven forbid someone might see us in a suit and call you backward , and not stylish and use colloquial terms like “pendu’ and ‘Jatka’ . I live in Punjab , am a Punjabi and we shy away from wearing a Punjabi suits , we don’t wish to even admit our own ethos , how we will we pass on our identity to the next generation? What is with those co-ord sets ? Who invented them? These frumpy , out of shape , hide those tyres, and I am not bossy shaming anyone here , this is for ladies out there ,please dress elegantly , the lure of the cotton sarees , the sexiness of the chiffon saree , the grace of the sensual silk , nothing can clone to that ; and every French designer worth his salt , cheese and wine has incorporated the Indian form and style in his collection , the Indian ethnic wear is a sourc error haute couture . Introspection needs to be there , that why are we losing our confidence ? Why do we feel that the outer garb would mean acceptance ? Women , you are beautiful as you are , not by adorning these weird non breathable fabric , or wearing diamonds to blind me ,  I would prefer to hear about your views on Hamas or the bombing on Gaza Strip or why we need to worry about rising temperatures ? I would be more impressed by your TBR than your to buy list ! 

Learn that your wealth is by the values you have , and if we lose our ethnic identity what will we give to our children , we are the custodians for the next generation ! Right now they all see us with white faces , brown blond hair dressed in plastic with more plastic on their faces . I’m