What do I say? What do I write? I sound like a broken
record harping over the same ol’ story again but maybe I offer a fresh insight.
Please bear with me. In fact just a status giving kudos to the newest icon of
woman/girl identity made me think via an inbox message where a lady questioned
whether we truly have freedom? Why is abuse so rampant? I am not even going to
beyond the borders of Punjab. Just, me and my state and the tri-city nexus.
Ok, the scenario is very rosy, we are a relatively
well to do state (don’t distract with the drugs, dismal agriculture results and
all); Punjabis by a distinct genetic code are a boisterous, happy go lucky, ambitious,
hardworking tribe! Yes a tribe that is predisposed with an innate over the top
fascination with boys. It is something about bearing boys, to pass on the seed,
to leave one’s mark in the society, immortality, the naam ‘ that makes us also
the largest killer of unborn of girls .The ones that are lucky and are spared
grow up to be beautiful cherished, educated with a basic degree and then she
enters the marriage mart.
Did I mention that Punjabi fathers have an internal
clock ticking where they must marry their daughters before they hit 21 yrs.? A
suitable match, a fat dowry, lavish wedding with no expense saved, she is the
Princess on that day. Incidentally, Kaur/ Kumari means Princess.
However, what is happening is that these apples of the
eyes, princesses suffer abuse. What is abuse? To use wrongly, for bad effect,
to misuse a privilege and here one would think we would do this to inanimate objects;
non –living things.
Well, you are in for a shocker. Women, married women
on a daily basis are abused, shouted, scolded, physically beaten up, knocked about,
verbally abused, sexually abused because she is married and the husband can do
this.
Why?
There are no whys or whats or no’s. It happens. It exists.
Women suffer all this as one of my friend points out, no financial independence,
low self –esteem, lack of confidence, and the biggest culprit of all, they have
been conditioned mentally to be submissive to not raise their voice, to listen
to the crap, bear it for children, place in society, honor of parents, and
because she has to.
Where was this written in the code? Why do intelligent,
well-educated women bear all this? Concealers, blushers, foundations, artistic
make up, all can hide the abuse, bruise, but what about the jagged marks on her
soul? A woman bears all this because she worries about her children, their
future, money and societal stigma. What will duniya say? A typical response is
‘ what will people say? They will talk. We go on bearing, bearing till one day
her spirit lies broken.
Broken wings don’t fly. For us to soar high, we need a
unified couple to give flight to the next generation. Parents who marry their
daughters need to support them after marriage, and not wash off atypically
after marrying them. What if she needs you after marriage? Don’t count her
expense like a ledger, saying we did enough on your wedding. Do you count the
pennies when your son marries or needs the brand new SUV? When did you gift one
to your daughter?
I cry, I despair over the gross injustice, the beaten
bones, the purple abuses, and more so over the broken spirits of empty women.
She dare not raise her voice because she fears over burnt bodies, hanging ropes,
nooses.
Why is honor hers alone? This rampant corruption has weakened the structure of the society .
I have a lot of whys , a heavy heart and try to make
sense of this behind the scene , not talked about epidemic.
Calling all intelligent men . As they say men have
bigger brains , so how about stepping down from the pedestal and helping me , a
simple woman to understand .
