The Be kind Series

Be in the Moment,

Now is all there is . Charlie Mackesy

Man is an interesting creature . We create so many castles in the air and situations in the mind ,believing and creating sandcastles , psyching ourselves to believe what will happen ,and what will not , not knowing what will happen, completely missing the present moment . It’s like missing the moment worrying about what will happen in the future .

None of us live the moment. Indian Aunty’s , mommies , even the ones across the border or anywhere in the world ( this isn’t a limited to being a Punjab affliction ) worry , contemplate , ruminate over the future that will be or worry and think over the times that have passed.

It is a national pastime, we will worry about the moment that has elapsed and spoil and ruin what we had . Why do we do this ? What is this helplessness that we will worry about what we cant do or what has been that we miss the second. In fact even as I write I have missed this moment and have already gone to the next . 

The mind is the most powerful weapon , it will make us believe anything , and we succumb to it .everything is in the mind and it’s how we deal with it . Anxiety , tension , stress, depression , these are the key words that are a part of our conversation ,every day we hear how these words have ruined lives, people, and homes. The multiple manifold effects are here for us to see . 

A friend of mine was worried about not being able to complete her chores because she had started late and as result of her OCD , she was a complete wreck . And you know she was beating herself over it because she hadn’t finished her work . 

It’s not in her hands , you will say what a silly goose she is ? Our mind plays tricks and makes us think that because we haven’t finished the work on time we are less than others or we haven’t made it to the invisible bar that has been set . 

No one set the bar . No one set the finishing line .No one will hate or love you less or give you a medal or beat you up or not for not completing a task that you had given yourself in the first place. Go easy , be kind to ourselves, no Martians are coming , we’ve had all that could go wrong in the world happening to us right now . Last night , I even had the dementors visiting outside the window. 

One can even start working half an hour earlier and finish the chores.thats what I told her and it worked . At moments of despair , we just need someone to help or say a kind word and what usually happens is that we get scolded, insulted and ridiculed which intensifies self doubt and a feeling of inferiority sets and we start getting lost in the moments .. 

And, as always I’ve started rambling on losing the plot ad the moment and the key points that I was writing about .Live the moment , seize it and grasp it as its the only one we have , the rest are lost and the future we have never seen .

Be Kind

So , why does the suicide feel so personal?

Why are we crying more ?

Why are we lashing out more ?

Why does the pain hit in the middle of the chest ?

Is it because he was one of us?

Is it because one felt that he had risen from the ranks and was a commoner who believed in his dream and wanted to pursue it just because it felt right in his heart giving up the lucrative Indian middle class dream of an engineering job .He was the sexy boy next door who rose up an touched the pinnacle of success.

The questions well remain forever etched and the who , why or what will stay forever but the main underlying question is that do we admit that it is an illness ? It’s not being mental , don’t shrug it off . Its a chemical imbalance , and that just makes one sad , gloomy , full of despair and one has bleak thoughts . It’s not about that one can say or snap out of just because you or I say it . It’s because its beyond ones control and its that one split second where  he or she takes the extreme step of ending his life. 

In a world that is fraught with so much hatred , unkind behaviour , why is that only when an incident happens that we start spouting homilies ,sharing quotes and say be kind , why don’t we say I will be kind . Why doesn’t it begin from you , from home? Why not start with oneself?

Consciously or subconsciously we all resort to unkindness, nastiness, sometimes we will say things that will leave an indent or a scar that will hurt and make the other person lose his confidence, shake him up and also start the gnawing of self doubt.

I know of someone who was ridiculed , harassed because she had gained weight , that body shaming was to such an extent from ‘well meaning family Aunty’s .

Auntyji what about your butt and stomach that is dropping down to touch your pedicured jewel toes? No one wants to look into the mirror to see the true picture . 

Have you ever truly seen yourself in the mirror ? Do you like yourself ,think about that before making any statement about another . It’s not easy this world , we all have insecurities and they get manifested and heightened to such an extent that one can take the extreme step. Imagine , what one must be feeling that one tries to takes one life.So much , courage at that moment, the despair that one sinks to rock bottom to die , to snuff out ones life . 

I don’t have any answers , all I can ask from all is friendliness , to be generous ,a s we truly never know what the other person is hiding behind that mask . No one has any answer , no one has it all together , its not a piece of cloth that we can stitch it back sometimes we just hold it all together barely by a thread that will fray and unravel at the slightest tug .

You know hat broke my heart was , that his dog died yesterday , they are the mot loyal companion of all and this bond is inexplicable . What must he be feeling that he just died of heart break .....

Next time , you bring some one down , when you are nasty or say something demeaning and derogatory , remember what your words can do . They leave am ark not visible to the naked eye , but forever remain etched in the heart and soul . The holes just get wider and one gets sucked into the chasm.

The prayers you do , spiritual path you want to follow will only happen when you are kind .

Be kind , it doesn’t cost anything , its free . And see , what you unleash it’s your superpower and there is enough in this world to go around !

Horrors Untold ...

It’s 2020, its as if Ramsay brothers crossed with Jumanji and we seem to be trying one level after another. The minute we cross one , the next level of unimaginable danger comes . All of us this year since the year been literally swept of our feet by Covid 19 , a virus that has locked us down , we went from there to earth quakes , cyclone after cyclone , the largest migration of humans from one end of the country to the other just because insecurity reached to such a high that the call of the home was too strong .

It didn’t matter they had been living in other states for so long they just wished to reach their villages braving the weather , beating sun , with no food or water , just walking with their meagre possessions.

If this wasn’t enough , we started having border issues with a tiny Hindu kingdom whom we thought was our ally , Nepal. Suddenly it started invoking agreements that were just not there . We as Indians , have grown with a Bahadur bhaiya around us , they make the best watch men , every Bollywood movie has one which would say Shaab, and the famous khukri , they are everywhere around us , and suddenly they wanted to claim land . 

Then , we have Big Brother inching closely and making claims on the famous lake of 3 idiots . Where does greed end ?

It seems as if the apocalypse is near , and to make it even better the Biblical plague is also visiting us . Locusts have ravaged millions of hectares and destroyed families in its wake . And if you thought this was the end , we had the worst racial violence in America. George Floyd was killed brutally and the reasons just boil down to him being black and the fact that he transpired fear. There has been a huge protest everywhere to that extent that people have started looting , there is arson , the President went int o the bunker and the lights of the strongest democracy went out .

What do we do? Why is there regression to such an extent that a color makes us scared ? The movement is Black lives Matter , but I just wish to say we are brown , and we don’t get to speak for black people . We have enough prejudices of our own ,we prefer white skin over anything , the stigma of the wheat is color is such that we would use lightening reams to just be fair . Billions are spent to achieve this , be it Korean creams or rice water or just fair and Lovely or an expensive visit to the dermatologist.

We need to be allies , and we need to stand with them and not take over the mic.

I think we need to learn from our own Anti-blackness , our own caste and class systems . We need to stand and readdress our thought process and teach our children and everyone around us that all lives matter , its not about the melanin content that sets us apart . When we bleed , we all bleed red. The fact that we enjoy , their music , cheer them on the play ground but the inhuman , disgusting act of killing em , subjecting them to torture , and to single them out systematically is our downfall.

The crime is ours , they don’t need to educate us , its not their job . Use the internet . Read up , you’d be surprised your grey cells would increase ....