Nostalgia!!

It’s the best time of the year , we have our own spring uprising , winter is still lingering and its clutches still hold sway just like Games of thrones. It’s as if we all are Westerosi . But , coming back to Punjab and the small village I live in , I had gone to attend one of the giant steps taken by our village panchayat . They had decided to attend for the first time to celebrate women’s day , progress in the hands of the change in vanguard of politics and everyone started to talk.

Women love to talk , we love to engage and exchange ideas and sometimes just take tips to make lives better for ourselves . Everyone started to reminisce about the times of bygone and one aunty who was an ex army officers wife started speaking about her times . As always she wanted to put across how modern she was and ahead of her times. 

It’s always been the case in Punjab , that people who joine the army were a tad bit more sophisticated and had more style , etiquette’s and panache than the rest of the plebeian folks. It had to do with the travelling and having an exposure and learning how the rest of the country lived. Auntyji , in her hey days wore sarees and that was unheard of girls from villages who came from patriarchal Jat Sikh , conservative and traditional families who traveled from point A to point b with no exposure . So , she was a newly wed in the early 60’s and wore sarees and was asked lovingly by her officer husband to wear a sleeveless blouse. 

The city of posting was Lucknow; the city of Nawabs, romance and shayarani and old world charm and grandeur . So , this small village girl to please her husband wore a saree and a sleeveless blouse to show off her lovely arms and her bangles . She went for a party and was coming back , when the Sahibji was informed the Biji has come from Punjab to live with them. And, lo all Chaos happened and she knew she was going to get a tongue lashing and a dressing down . Her husband told her to cover her arms with the French chiffon saree , but that didn’t help!

When she entered n front of her dragon of a mother in law , she was told in the highest form of sarcastic , rustic wit , that the tailor has made invisible sleeves. 

Life has changed from girls wearing sarees but keeping them selves covered and still being attractive and sensual . Now the idea is to bare all , twerk , post suggestive pictures and if you’re not showing some skin you’re not modern enough . 

Is display of flesh a sign of modernity and a benchmark of being novel , and being in vogue. Modernism means embracing the quality of present or recen times by being forward thinking . To change ones mindset, and not be regressive and be of present times. We as a country have repressed and regressed and freedom of our expression of women is being curtailed . It is frowned upon when women wear revealing clothes or western clothes as they can incite and inspire sexual feelings in men . Why the false promises of empowerment, when we have to fight even for representation in the largest democracy of the world? It’s unfolding in two months and lets see what happens. Women in our country remain seen but are unheard , an uprising is needed but then is rudely called as being feminist bra burners. It’s not that , we just want to be treated as a human . And, then a saree wearing , hijab covered , or a sleeveless shirt with shorts is free to do what she wants and the rest don’t have to stare or gawk at her.For me , I still wait for ache din , or maybe I can see from above up there in the heaven or hell depending where my friends are.

Introspect of our times

Introspect of our times

The New Zealand incident has shaken me . It’s made me cry and really shook from within . To kill with such anger , hatred and planning and to execute innocent people who were saying their ritual prayers is devious and hatred of the highest order. I wonder what went in his mind that one can commit such crimes and do such detailed meticulous planning and then to zero down and target Muslims. One needs to please understand at this point of time of our history is that we all are witness to this change in our world history , we are at a juncture where we if we do not collectively join hands and stop this targeting we will lose our selves .Just because one is of a religious sect doesn’t mean that he or she can be picked out and singled for murder. 

Who is one person to decide that they need to be wiped out? The targeting of Muslims by him and to kill them repeatedly shows so much suppressed anger and now also after he has been caught he has no remorse .His purpose and focus was to kill as many as he could . How did he stockpile so much weaponery ? How did he plan and then the gruesome killing? Isn’t their supposed to be a virtual trail? Some kind of watchdog to check what is happening? I mean he went Facebook live . 

Just by posting on Instagram and sharing condolence messages and tweets doesn’t end our responsibility, yes we are saddened, it makes us all feel scared , its a fragile place to be , when we thought that New Zealand was the second safest place in the world and just this . It’s earth shattering . I am trying to understand why no red flags when he was searching all this . If it had been a brown person , stockpiling would have raised some eyebrows and would have made someone alert . Why this differentiation ? This kind of division is what we need to change . I want you all to think and introspect on your true emotions? Why do we judge others for the religion they follow and the color of the skin? Lets not regress to the dark times we have barely come out from . 

We have more serious issues, we need to worry about climate issues that will mean no Earth , so where does the question of  religion divide come . Don’t let the narrowmindness and the brutality of his ruin one of my favorite countries. This country has been on my bucket list for its Lord of the Rings picturisation . Gollum looks to be an innocent babe in the woods compared to the viciousness of this horrible man.

We all need to think and as I say , we need to introspect and come together for a collective answer and stop any future incident of this kind where we have religious targetting. We had the holocaust and the killing of millions of Jews and the wounds and scars are deep , lets stop all the pogroms and the silent sleepers who will erupt in the tumultuous times ahead .Till then , Kia Kaha and the best tribute is the Haka dance done in front of the mosque.

Ms Piggy

I must admit there is one thing that I cant do . I can’t pout . I just cant pout to save my life or to get a selfie. I mean they do come out right but man! I can’t pout . How do all the girls and the women get it right? I don’t even know where my cheekbones are, you know those knife sharp cheekbones that are contoured and suddenly they come out just like the Alps. 

I still cant figure out which side of my face is the right side , I have freckles on one , and the other one shows my nose like Cleopatra just out of Asterix . you know where Julius Ceaser loves her on the barge and serenades to her . I take pictures and upload them just like they are meant to be .I guess am old fashioned like this . 

Maybe my soul just is stuck in the black and white era and the kodak moments where every picture meant money , every negative was money . Not the digital age , where one  can take a zillion pictures and keep on taking till the perfect one comes along. 

Have you ever noticed at Punjabi weddings here and I’m guessing everywhere when a picture is going to be taken , we all tighten our stomach muscles, make a pose and then smile and crick our necks and try to glow as if Fenty Beauty would save us and make us more beautiful. 

We use filters, apps to make ourselves look thinner, get more likes and, have weirder snap lenses to be more attractive.What about recognising the true face and just presenting that ? Increasingly I see women losing them selves and their identity to confirm to beauty standards set by the West . One has to be fair , pristine white , have a statuesque body and hair that is bouncy and beautiful tinted with color and then to have those killer cheekbones, perfect nose and bee stung lips.

And these are the same women , who share quotes everyday where they share highfaultain quotes. The pressure that is created is so vicious and immense that they spend a lot to achieve this look . I have seen girls getting so many treatments done to their hair that I wonder how the hair even survive, and what about the chemicals that are seeping\. Vfnnfsvw njnnv VA in their systems .

‘And this is something they don’t ever consider or just remain oblivious to the whole thing or  are in an escapist situation thinking that its not going to happen to me. I wish we would have a safety board where guidelines could be set to save us for these chemicals that seep into us maybe  a Fitbit to actually save us . In fact all these fancy schmancy hair treatments ,  peels and  surgery done to correct the face and just to get those likes . Do you know I have had people who have also asked me why I didn’t like their post ? Or , the best is checking every post on the social media but never commenting and never posting and what comes on my mind is that people who don’t post on Facebook think they have a degree in maturity . 

But , the social pressures these days are such that men are posing are shirtless and showin their abs( photoshopping them with oil ) and slick back hair and women with their poses with a soft filter and bigger eyes to just be more attractive.

In the end , it’s all about the pout and all I can think is abou the village kids who were so taken by a foreigner that they kept on smiling and saying ok and ok with screwed up faces. So , all I can do from now on is to screw my face like a pig and try to look attractive . Or maybe be a Miss Piggy and be cute .

A Sad Sombre Love day

A few days ago , we had the worst massacre on Indian soil by a terrorist group that infamously claimed it as their handiwork .And , then hell broke loose on both sides of the border . We have warmongers baying for blood on both sides . Instead of recognising what the problem is the politicians on both sides are using inciting, hateful languages just to show who has the bigger balls and the wider chests , both our social media has got polluted with hate statements and trying to score a goal on one other and to get the maximum likes by their followers.

As, the days go by , no one wants to deal with the real problem , all we hear are challenging statements, inciting each other to war and to take revenge. Twitter on the day it happened went crazy with hate lines mocking and making fun of one of the famous lines How’s th josh ? .

Terrorism is a heinous , hateful act of cowardice against humanity and it’s occurred on both sides of the border and we have all faced it, be it Peshawar and now Pulwama. Did we make fun , mock or incite? It was devastating, so many innocent lives lost without any reason and families destroyed . It strikes deep and never does the chasm fill . All we want is that the terrorist group which is residing in Bahawalpur be brought to justice. A terrorist who is thumping his chest and claiming the killing in the war to free our state ie Kashmir is residing on your soil and you want us to give you proof. I thought you all were looking towards a Naya Pakistan , a newer soch , you all claim to have changed your mindset and want development and progress and prosperity for your country that has been ravaged by problems aplenty. 

So , why not cooperate ? Why not jointly help us ? Why not extradite ?

Why not bring him to justice?

Why do we use delay tactics? I have a best friend living in Lahore and we text , message daily , it doesn’t mean all Pakistanis are bad or that they hate us , or Muslims are bad ; we have a larger population of Muslims than them. It’s time that Imran Khan walks the talk, he delayed giving a statement as the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia was there but now if he looks for proof , we can give them . 

If that is all there it is , lets give it to him and lets see what he does. I eagerly wait the day when he is a Sacha Mussalman and helps us . Right now , soldiers and their families are bleeding and crying as all is lost , the future looks bleak. The country is united and we are all looking for answers , and instead of blaming each other and mocking and being childish , lets all rise above this and look for a joint answer , that is not war , nor is it making childish , inciteful stateemnts . 

It’s a grave , sad moment in our lives and when we are witness to such heinous crimes and history will judge us if we didn’t act accordingly and stop this hate . Indians also bleed red , just as Pakistanis do ; so end this without succumbing to destroying each other .

Hows the josh?

I was looking for all the answers outside and kept on searching and hoping that someone would change and all would be well. I kept on looking for love, compassion and empathy and kindness from others not realizing that along this journey of dismal hope I was changing myself and continued to treat myself with pity. I allowed everything to happen to me; in some fashion I let them have power over me as I took refuge in this hurt. It is easy, as we know no better, we let them in our minds and let them take control of how we will react. When we let them in, we let them guide and change our true nature.

This is not easy to admit. I changed and I reacted and I started pitying myself saying why me, and why not more of this or that? But, then one day I didn’t have an epiphany nor did the apple fall of the tree I just stopped reacting to the angst and decided to take back control. Let me tell you it happens when it has to happen not a second before or later. There are enough exercises, motivational speakers, quotes, meditation, breathing techniques to take you to Wakanda and back but it only happens when you truly will it as you wish to change.

We all have inner strengths, and the best is when we stop searching, reading for answers outside. It is true, it all lies inside of you, what you are searching for outside, what we are seeking for is already present inside. All the saints, preachers, seers hold this to be true. The mirror holds all the answers, look clearly at the mirror and do you like what you see? If you do, well all is good, if not change the image. Work on yourself, slowly and be kind to yourself. Stop judging yourself according to others and their standards, if you have failed and I have to. One should be kind to oneself, this world is a mirage that has been so hyped and accentuated by this visual imagery and fake drama and over representation by advertising gurus to a materialistic hype. Its ok to be dark, thin, fat, small, overweight, pimply, gangly, mediocre, geeky, nerdy, gay, lesbian, straight, failure, don’t be shamed into anything.

Just give yourself time and you will shine, it can be later and it can be after hibernating for years or just after winter.

In fact, one needs to find the inner strength that is always inside us, as goodness resides in all of us and we need to believe in ourselves, first and then only can we convince others to believe in us. 

I know I sound like a politician and a ghisa piti one but it works. Its just like in the movie, Uri that makes me believe and I can ask you, How’s the josh?

Some may say, its filmy but we all must always believe in hope and tides do change. It is step one to believe in hope and  then to just wean yourself from the black hole of the virtual world that lets you to believe in things that aren’t. Make life more simple, start doing kind acts , and step by step reclaim yourself and that old adage of walking outside and absorbing nature all hold true.  

If you enjoyed reading this , send me an email 

ravneet sangha 

lohri, fire within

Every day countless children are born, some make it, some live and some die and some are killed. It is the sad, brutal truth that we face, ignore and shove under the carpet to be socially correct, as the constant drive to have a son is the driving force in all the procreation in this country. Trust me that am the reason behind every birth! I came to know about the birth of a young baby girl who when she was born, her mother also died in childbirth and she was shunned and scorned by the family members. They were all upset, saddened and just didn’t want the additional burden of bringing up a baby girl who was going to be a burden, a strain on them and then the extra burden of dowry, marriage and so forth. So she was left there to die outside the house swaddled in her birth clothes. After the cremation of the mother, when two days had passed, someone remembered the infant baby girl and he or she decided to bury her too.

When they looked for her, and found her in her clothes outside in the verandah, she was still alive, as no one had cut her umbilical cord. She had survived and was alive. It was as if God had saved her and later a couple that didn’t have a daughter adopted her and now she has become a professor of English, imparting knowledge to many more. What a strange circle of life. We try to kill and nature has its unique way of saving its own.

In the recent years, we have started celebrating Lohri for the girl child and awareness is there, it is small, gradual but the festivities eclipse it for a boy child. No one asked to be born, no one chose his or her sex or the gender, who are we to discriminate so openly?

Why is the mindset not changing? You might say oh no things have changed; it’s not like this anymore, so how is the ratio so skewed still? Someone, somewhere here is still doing this. Is it like the One who must not be named?  I mean it’s all prevalent but we turn a blind eye, or a cold shoulder and look the other way.

A lot of initiatives are undertaken to save the girl child, to make her feel safe and secure. I just genuinely feel that we all need to collective come together and not do the drawing room armchair conversations.

In fact, procrastination is our middle name .We will mull, think, delay, discuss, decide, argue, fight and succumb to social pressures that are so engrained in our souls with invisible writing that we go back to our patriarchal roots.

Till we don’t set an example, make it safe for her, don’t give her equal rights and stop treating her a burden and have different set of rules and do’s and don’ts for her this rot is going to continue.

Collectively, lets stop the rot as now its seeped into the foundations of society and what we were known for once is I am afraid going to be lost in the pages of Lonely Planet.

India is synonymous for color, bonhomie, festivities, ancient civilization and the Vedas, yoga, we have given the world so much but we are reduced to this downward spiral and I haven’t even started with politics yet!

 However, it’s the start of a new month , sangrand is on the 14^th and I always have hope for a better ,newer day and may the fire burn bright in all of us.

Happy lohri.

Are we equal ?

I stumbled upon a Pakistani play; yes yes I am not supposed to watch them, as I am an Indian. And, we are in state of war with them since 1947 and will remain so till we obliterate each other. It’s a strange kind of love and hate relationship we have with them, we cant live with them, we cant live without them and we have the worst sporting rivalry with them. It so happens that one of my best friends lives across the border and we constantly whatsapp each other all day long being normal friends, the only difference being that we live two hours apart and cant meet each other as visas get denied. Pakistan and India are the two Punjabi rishtedaars who are fighting over a common piece of land, but so entwined with each other that they share everything .We welcome each other with open arms and literally spread the red carpet when they come to Punjab and vice versa. The bonhomie and the hospitality are unbelievable and you have to witness it to assimilate it.

The play is Ranjha Ranjha Kardi and in the opening episode has a scene where a lower caste girl is being taught how to read the prayers from the holy book Quran. So, the village women are upset as she is made to sit with their children and learn the right way .The teacher who is imparting the knowledge says the book is made for all and nowhere did the Prophet say that they couldn’t read it and by merely touching it; it wouldn’t become unclean. All our religion profess this, all the saints say this, that we are all one, impurity does not lie in the hands, it is not the work that makes one small or unclean. It is the mind that is impure and the thoughts that make us unclean. When are we going to get rid of these shackles? I am not saying we here in Punjab are better or superior, trust me we face the same problems. We all have bigger problems at hand and enumerating them is another story. When we start treating each other as humans and as one, not divide each other on caste, color, creed, sex, nationality we would truly inherit this earth. Imagine ,we need to make laws to allow people to be with each other, be it same sex marriages or inter caste marriages. On the rise are lynchings , tolerance is ending , suspicions are on the rise and we ridicule each other just on the basis of caste. The words of the play really resonate in my mind and I faced the same situation when some women in my village objected to my teaching children in the evening school ,they took their kids out and didn’t let them come back. The problem being that why were the lower caste children sitting with them/ I wonder ,where does it say on their faces that they are different ? Dividing each other on the basis of color which is just melanin and the caste that was all man made is so regressive .

We all breathe the same air , maybe I could start giving bubbles so that they can breathe the pure rarified air ! A pure race never led to any advancement , purity lies in the mind and that is the source of all .