Being a woman

Last night , I had a bunch of half -assed hooligans sitting in front of me who had also come to watch the movie that has been trending the charts since it was released.Thappad is a movie that is a must watch for everyone , and it has stayed with since last night and will do for as long as I live. Woman's Day is a day that was given to us to remember and resolve that how far we have come and how far we have to go . It is meant to celebrate the achievements and to recognise this power force in the paid economy , and more in the unpaid economy and the real Thanos . She is the glue that keeps and binds us all together.

Glance and see , she wakes up first and works as a silent well oiled machine that foresees everyone's needs , desires, anticipates everyone's wish before they even voice it . Does she get the respect , recognition she deserves or is she rough shod in every walk of her life , at the hands of the conditioning that is seeped so deep into our skewed society that she is ridiculed , hurt and beaten ,abused , degraded , demeaned, disgraced and physically violated , abused by sex , and subdued. 

We are battling the largest , scariest pandemic right now,but half the population is killed , abused and scarred just because they can , and there is no remorse over it .

These young boys in front me , kept on giggling , checking the Instagram story and using their snapchat . It was a movie and why have the screen lights on or why continue with the messaging and impertinent behaviour with complete disregard for the brevity of the movie .

I loved  Taapsee for her powerful portrayal as a woman who is wronged and tried to tell that her soul was hurt and she didn't have a problem with him but her self respect was injured and abused .Its a fight for her self respect for one and all , as she had given up herself her entity her being to be his wife and what did she get in return? She was told to shrug it off  because these thing happen and she should get over it and move on . A diamond bracelet was the apology but it was all about him , his promotion , his machoisim and his image , nothing about her . He got emasculated as she moved out , but her hurt is immaterial . 

How many of us truly are told to get over the hurt and move on for children , family , status , or being weak ? But what about the beautiful you , inside who shields her pain every time as that is what is expected from .

I applaud the courage of the director , the vision and thank you for making me realise what it means to be a woman . We can only give love forth , if we love ourselves first . 

And , no this not from Rumi or a forward . 

Happy woman's Day !

Close encounters of a Simple kind

Close encounters of a simple kind 

Today was an interesting day and my jaded eyes go cleaned a bit . The day starts very early for us at the farm and we had someone coming at the gates around 7 am and the security guard said he's a tall Sardar and an NRI and it seems he coming to take thekha ( lease money ) . Do not confuse this with the world famous Punjabi thekha - the place to buy alcohol. So , I was told to send tea and all for him , till the offices open. When I called the guard to take the tea , I was told that he had gone away .

The day went by as it as it does, nothing crashed , climate was still the concern , the Akalis were bashing the Congress and  AAP was as shrill as ever , nothing seemed to change and India was getting a makeover as if the Dulha was at the doorstep . 

Evening came , and I have a fixed routine , with the evening classes with the children and the mandatory coffee and then my paath . The same person was at the gate , and he had to come to meet. The guard ushered him in just because he was an NRI , he was accorded special status .In Punjab ,it is of matter of great pride,when someone comes to visit you , but even more so when he is an NRI . The red carpet was rolled out , we presumed he was a land owner and just wanted to meet my in-laws and was brought home . Anyone coming from Amreeka is accorded special importance as he's come back from the shores where everyone wants to be. The roads are paved with gold ,there. And why stay in Punjab, we don't owe it anything . 

Well , he came in and Mama met him and he started talking about America and how great it was and the fact that he made so much money and about his kids and the weather etc. He was from a small village near Nakodar and they had emigrated a decade ago and his kids were making so much money and that in America , milk was abundant . 

It seemed so ironical that he went from Punjab , the land of milk and  honey and he revered that there . I was called in and they had an album open . In his complete innocence, he had brought his daughters album and was showing us his family. I kept on looking and didn't say anything . He , in all his humility had been impressed by the boys , and wanted one of them for his daughter.

It was so innocent and his simplicity shone through . I have been thinking about him and his approach, he also told us that the families don't match but he just liked them ,he had seen them in a wedding album. 

It was his simplicity , his faith and his chutzpah to come and his anecdotes kept on regaling us . It was better to drink coffee he says ( that's what they all do ) , he hadn't been educated and never liked school , and from his childhood had just been caught in the rut of growing fodder , wheat and the cycle that goes with eking out a living ! When he went to the States he had to sign everywhere but he couldn't remember the squiggle . so , the next tie he came to India , he just got it tattooed on his arm . See, problem solved.

Where he lived, he used to carpool with another Bhenji to the factory but she charged 5 dollars , so he decided to get a cycle and bike to work , knees would be fine , and he wouldn't have to buy the car and any the steep insurance ! 

It was so refreshing to talk to him and hear this little homilies of life. No drama , no frills , no fancy stuff . When I asked him , hwy did he start working , and how did he cope with the language problem ? He said he started to work , because sitting at home , he had started to imagine all sorts of things about his daughters, he would make scenarios that they were being followed by boy s, or something had happened or why they never came back on time . He assumed the worst and then said if something like that would happen he would have no izzat . It reminds me of the new book I read, " A woman is no man"where no matter what , where you are , you toe the line ! 

So , he started to work , and he says it was better than sitting at home and fanatasizing the worst case scenarios.

Im telling you somedays , just makes me feel that all is well and there exists an invisible balance in this society that reaffirms my faith in a worl that is spiralling downwards into a dark dark chasm of evil.

Over the years I have become cynical , jaded with the deprivations and the complete disintegration in human character, fibre that this persons optimism , simplicity shone through ! There is hope for mankind and what better way , that a punjabi to lead the way ....

Happiness

Some days everything falls into place and you know there is hope and humanity exists. It so happened I was taking my evening class with a motley crew of children who start coming to class from 4pm onwards and keep on walking from far away just to attend and be with me . It must be the grey hair that is appealing to them or just the crooked nose. I was taking my attendance and generally we were doing our salutations with each other when one entrant , a young exceptionally fair Sardar boy said Ma’am I am Sarwan . I said ok and wrote his name . The kids around started saying that he had come for a couple of classes but had left after that . Sarwan , very boldly said that he had told his mother that he will come for class and wouldn’t miss it now. Then he introduced another new boy sitting beside him , whom he said was his brother ; Shankar.

Imagine , my surprise when I looked up . Shankar , was a relatively dark Hindu boy dressed up in layers of woollens . He proudly called him that he is my brother and he lives with us . I was taken aback at how can a Hindu boy be his brother and what made him say all this . I smiled , and loved the reaffirmation of faith in humanity . It is so refreshing to see this. This little boy , made me believe in all the things that are posted virtually . It does happen , there still exists empathy and compassion . 

No one told the little boy to differentiate with the boy just because he was dark skinned or he was his father( a bhaiya) son . Punjab is one of the most rampant states where racism exists . We are blatantly the worst in discriminating another human being on the basis of color and even worst in calling another a name because of him or her not being a punjabi . 

And then some days , there is a glimmer f hope that things will change and the  future looks bright in spite of the onion prices making us cry and watching a slugfest between the finance ministers ! Imagine , its onions v/s avocados ! 

 Although quoting my favorite author , it is our choices.... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities .

Every day we are faced with situations and it is in our power to make the righ choice . All lies in or hands and in making the right judgement we can change the world step by step slowly . 

This is a feel good post and we needed this after all the dismay and sadness of the last few days . And all the gloom was lifted by the encounter in the morning. Justice served .

There is always a change , and its happening .

My Piku moment

So it’s one of those crazy days , when its so hot that even Drogon would take a day off , and my maids decide to come to work late . And ,I was all heated up and had made up my mind to fire my duo that reminds me of Laurel and Hardy . Time kept on elapsing and she sauntered in with a Donald Duck gait and I asked with all my anger and the best memsahib voice , that why were they late ?

The little one was hidden behind her girth and she said that she was filling water and they didn’t have a water pump to get water to their homes in the village , so that’s why they were late . The older one started telling me that she had to get up really early to store water, wash clothes , and then had to catch a breath and eat food and come and if it took time , so what . And on top of that , she had to go for morning walk, drink some water and then sit in anticipation of the royal movement . Some toilet here and there and this was in chaste punjabi !! 

I was quiet and then just burst out laughing . She told me its important to drink water so she could go and do . All of us from any strata , big or small, living in the best of the worlds or in the bylanes of village  to the biggest bunagalows need to go and then only the day starts . I had to keep quiet to that one and couldn’t push any longer to why she was so late in coming to work.

Ever since that day I’ve become a bit more humane to her basic needs , they cant afford a water pump set to get the water to her house and that delays everything for her and she has to come for work to eke out her living.

We take a lot of things for granted as things are just there , open a tap , water is running, turn a switch and electricity is running, scroll and see the world, order and things are delivered to our door step.  They have to still fight , strive for their basic needs and spend all their lives to just reach to a basic level and eat   But we sanctimoniously complain that that they choose the wrong type of Netaji to lead our country . We are a minority who have everything going, yet we complain the maximum , and do the least to change the society or situation but have the shrillest voice to change the world . When do we start to change so that collectively all of us have water equally for instance  and can go to the toilet at a decent time and not wake up at an unearthly hour of 4am and work like crazy . Lets divide the benefits , as no one is getting out of this life alive and none of us are taking the riches along . 

I am out a socialist , nor am I asking for any favours but take a minute to think that we preach , share , post as our statuses, or put up as stories can only be held true if we started to believe , have faith and started practising what the Gurus had already laid down for us . 

This divisiveness and divide and demarcation on basis of religion is going to be an end of us .As water flows for all from the source and is for all life , lets all change ourselves or start to .

We are trolls , and thus we speak !

Every day we have time to trivialise whether Priyanka wears a choli under her saree or why did Dhoni have a balidan badge on his glove but what really matters is that things aren’t getting better . Twinkle Sharma , a small two year old gets raped , killed but then status is changed to the fact that she was killed , murdered and not raped .Why do we always want to politicise the situation ?

Every thing is about sensationalising the moment , to cash into the money , to be the first to give exclusive breaking news .

Humanity , empathy and being considerate or just being plain old human has lost the flavour . I am still trying to come into term with the virtual anonymityit’s of the trollsters who make it their business to make fun , riducle or just be rude under the guise of modern virtual rules that were made by somebody sitting somewhere.

Trolls to me are the sweet little tuffy haired toys that I grew up with and not these vicious words online. I know we all have an opinion about everything under the sun ( this too is one !!) but why do we end up being mean? Am I stupid or gullible ? 

In a country where we worship Nari Shakti as the epitome of our religious beliefs and believe that she is the giver , fighter, destroyer , is the reason for our wealth , prosperity , culture and for our knowledge ; how is that we end up debasing , defiling, multinational, raping her pure form again and again?How does the man become an animal? I think even the animals would protest and say we don’t do this. These humans are monsters and instead of politicising the case that he was a Muslim or a Hindu , lets all collectively find the answer once and for all. The accused is an offender as he was caught raping his own daughter , then how did the justice fare for us?

You all tweet , make headlines , debate and pass sweeping statements but its all hogwash and crap sold in the nicest polite way. For me the saving grace was last week , when one such rapist was caught in Rama Mandi ,beaten to death by the mob who then took his body to the police station and enmass told the inspector that please arrest us.

In this case, it was Hindu , raping a Hindu child before you start making any statements.For once, put our religions aside , its an eveil human raping an innocent and no matter what the provocation is or was this is inhuman act isn’t justified.

The alarming statements that all the water will finish , or humans will perish in 31years by the climate rousers doesn’t matter when the inhumanity and evil has reached to such levels. My maids wisdom , nails it she says they don’t think women matter because no one cares , they only see us an outlet for a physical gratification and till we aren’t taught that women have feelings or are humans in the same footing will this end. End the double speak and stop retwteeing till you don’t mean business.

Nostalgia!!

It’s the best time of the year , we have our own spring uprising , winter is still lingering and its clutches still hold sway just like Games of thrones. It’s as if we all are Westerosi . But , coming back to Punjab and the small village I live in , I had gone to attend one of the giant steps taken by our village panchayat . They had decided to attend for the first time to celebrate women’s day , progress in the hands of the change in vanguard of politics and everyone started to talk.

Women love to talk , we love to engage and exchange ideas and sometimes just take tips to make lives better for ourselves . Everyone started to reminisce about the times of bygone and one aunty who was an ex army officers wife started speaking about her times . As always she wanted to put across how modern she was and ahead of her times. 

It’s always been the case in Punjab , that people who joine the army were a tad bit more sophisticated and had more style , etiquette’s and panache than the rest of the plebeian folks. It had to do with the travelling and having an exposure and learning how the rest of the country lived. Auntyji , in her hey days wore sarees and that was unheard of girls from villages who came from patriarchal Jat Sikh , conservative and traditional families who traveled from point A to point b with no exposure . So , she was a newly wed in the early 60’s and wore sarees and was asked lovingly by her officer husband to wear a sleeveless blouse. 

The city of posting was Lucknow; the city of Nawabs, romance and shayarani and old world charm and grandeur . So , this small village girl to please her husband wore a saree and a sleeveless blouse to show off her lovely arms and her bangles . She went for a party and was coming back , when the Sahibji was informed the Biji has come from Punjab to live with them. And, lo all Chaos happened and she knew she was going to get a tongue lashing and a dressing down . Her husband told her to cover her arms with the French chiffon saree , but that didn’t help!

When she entered n front of her dragon of a mother in law , she was told in the highest form of sarcastic , rustic wit , that the tailor has made invisible sleeves. 

Life has changed from girls wearing sarees but keeping them selves covered and still being attractive and sensual . Now the idea is to bare all , twerk , post suggestive pictures and if you’re not showing some skin you’re not modern enough . 

Is display of flesh a sign of modernity and a benchmark of being novel , and being in vogue. Modernism means embracing the quality of present or recen times by being forward thinking . To change ones mindset, and not be regressive and be of present times. We as a country have repressed and regressed and freedom of our expression of women is being curtailed . It is frowned upon when women wear revealing clothes or western clothes as they can incite and inspire sexual feelings in men . Why the false promises of empowerment, when we have to fight even for representation in the largest democracy of the world? It’s unfolding in two months and lets see what happens. Women in our country remain seen but are unheard , an uprising is needed but then is rudely called as being feminist bra burners. It’s not that , we just want to be treated as a human . And, then a saree wearing , hijab covered , or a sleeveless shirt with shorts is free to do what she wants and the rest don’t have to stare or gawk at her.For me , I still wait for ache din , or maybe I can see from above up there in the heaven or hell depending where my friends are.

Introspect of our times

Introspect of our times

The New Zealand incident has shaken me . It’s made me cry and really shook from within . To kill with such anger , hatred and planning and to execute innocent people who were saying their ritual prayers is devious and hatred of the highest order. I wonder what went in his mind that one can commit such crimes and do such detailed meticulous planning and then to zero down and target Muslims. One needs to please understand at this point of time of our history is that we all are witness to this change in our world history , we are at a juncture where we if we do not collectively join hands and stop this targeting we will lose our selves .Just because one is of a religious sect doesn’t mean that he or she can be picked out and singled for murder. 

Who is one person to decide that they need to be wiped out? The targeting of Muslims by him and to kill them repeatedly shows so much suppressed anger and now also after he has been caught he has no remorse .His purpose and focus was to kill as many as he could . How did he stockpile so much weaponery ? How did he plan and then the gruesome killing? Isn’t their supposed to be a virtual trail? Some kind of watchdog to check what is happening? I mean he went Facebook live . 

Just by posting on Instagram and sharing condolence messages and tweets doesn’t end our responsibility, yes we are saddened, it makes us all feel scared , its a fragile place to be , when we thought that New Zealand was the second safest place in the world and just this . It’s earth shattering . I am trying to understand why no red flags when he was searching all this . If it had been a brown person , stockpiling would have raised some eyebrows and would have made someone alert . Why this differentiation ? This kind of division is what we need to change . I want you all to think and introspect on your true emotions? Why do we judge others for the religion they follow and the color of the skin? Lets not regress to the dark times we have barely come out from . 

We have more serious issues, we need to worry about climate issues that will mean no Earth , so where does the question of  religion divide come . Don’t let the narrowmindness and the brutality of his ruin one of my favorite countries. This country has been on my bucket list for its Lord of the Rings picturisation . Gollum looks to be an innocent babe in the woods compared to the viciousness of this horrible man.

We all need to think and as I say , we need to introspect and come together for a collective answer and stop any future incident of this kind where we have religious targetting. We had the holocaust and the killing of millions of Jews and the wounds and scars are deep , lets stop all the pogroms and the silent sleepers who will erupt in the tumultuous times ahead .Till then , Kia Kaha and the best tribute is the Haka dance done in front of the mosque.