Happiness , khushi

Happiness

This does not read as a sermon, nor is it a capsule of gyaan that I am going to unravel so you get Happiness 101, nor is it an app one can download or an introduction to a series of lecture where by the end would read as, to tap more into the happy space send Rs 500.

Just a rambling, as always that I type here thinking some one somewhere would read. It’s the holy month of Ramadan, its the moth where perpetually all the village folk are attending some mela, travelling to “ jagahs” and taking part in the seva of the pir sahib. All this is to be happy, khush as they say. Talking to a laborer yesterday, I asked itni garmi mein chutti, so he replies kya farak padta hain, baccho keliye (what difference does it make, if I miss a days work; its all for my children’s happiness).

Such is the story of our lives. Be it anyone, rich or poor or old or young. We all keep on looking for the next step in our lives, thinking the next turn, the turning or the next year or the future is going to bring us happiness. For a simple layman, happiness is thought as good life, prosperity, freedom from suffering, well being, joy and pleasure. We, humans keep on searching for this elusive emotion from others, we get married, thinking the partner will fill the void, the new car, the bigger house, the fancier clothes, the children we have. They give us joy and we face numerous obstacles along the way. We tell ourselves, it will get better when they are older, they will look after us and we will be happy. Then we get frustrated with adolescence years, and how we must deal with them, the societal pressures, peer pressures that the kids face, the competition, school, colleges the rat – race, but we console ourselves thinking that all will be fine, when our spouse gets his /her act together, when we have a nicer flashier, swankier, bigger car, or the next vacation, or when we will have time to pursue our interests when we retire.

The truth is  that there is no better time to be happy than right now.

You will shake your head, smirk and make fun and say yeah right, how does she know what kind of battle I’m fighting or what my problems are. They all are momentous, they all seem to be collapsing on your head, and the fragile house of cards you’ve built seems to be tumbling down. Every obstacle, every pitfall is there to make us stronger and I sound like those inspirational positive hogwash gurus sprouting everywhere. Vaise could start one of those Bibi ashrams, on second thoughts, but amassing wealth or unaccountable property isn’t what makes me happy, books and coffee do!

Happiness isn’t the Leprechaun gold available at the end of the rainbow, its in every step, every minute of the day. Its your prerogative how to tackle what life dishes out to you. They say revenge is a dish best served cold, so why give the advantage to life to better you and to dangle happiness as the prize at the end of the day.

Bliss, contentment, happiness, peace the by words of modern life, which has spawned a billion dollar industry is all with in us. Stop waiting for school to end, to lose that extra weight, for you to get a job, to get married. To have kids, to wait for them to grow up to deliver you happiness. Stop living from Monday to Friday elusively waiting for the weekend to blow your steam, do it on a Monday, banish those blues, don’t sink your self in the coffee. It’s an ongoing process and by downloading an app, or by reading the new how to get happy in ten steps book just off the press is not going to make you happy till YOU decide to be. Its not in anyone’s hands nor is going to be given by as many gifts, they all are transient.

Ultimately, it all lies in your hand.

Do not wait for spring to come, don’t be the happy prince, love the fall, embrace the winter, welcome the cold, revel in spring and yes enjoy the summer (however killing it is!). I probably whine the maximum about garmi, but being in this sultry heat makes me appreciate the comforts of the air conditioning.

An eight month old lying on the gunnysack plays in complete gay abandon, happy and blissful, while his mother works nearby in the shed.  She is happy, he’s in the shade, and safe; that is her nazariya. But ask someone in the city they would want a baby monitor, a maid climate controlled temperature and color sensitive toys, to hone the child’s mental faculty plus the latest soothing Disney tune to lull him or her to sleep. Who is happier?

Here is where we need to thank what we have and to enjoy rather than look for utopia that is elusive and no one ever captured it.

The Two Blue Ticks

It just started with what life has just become a whatsapp message. Increasingly, I see my friends, family members, my siblings and even my own children communicating via these messages instead of picking up the phone and calling. My life has been reduced to sending a message and waiting for seeing the ticks changing to two blue ticks. I actually am also guilty of sending messages via this and keeping in touch with everyone. It’s my lifeline to a teenage son in college where I try to monitor being a brown mom and using my magical innate helicopter parenting skills (every Indian mother has them and if you’re Punjabi; you are blessed and armed with magic to zero on your child). Its like being a mother makes you a super combative drone to monitor your child. A DP (display picture for the unmitigated) with a girl makes our antennas buzz and half the clan will call and congratulate you on your daughter-in- law and the rest will say munda bigad Gaya!

It just doesn’t end here; status updates on smart phones are also subject to debate, speculation more than basmati prices, rain causing havoc or just the state of affairs. The only thing that can cause all this to stop but leads to another kind of satsang and non stop calls is when the maid says, Bibiji I cant come to work.

However, some days bright, meaningful messages are sent and one such was by my sister who started posting these messages, one lines from the Sri Guru Granth Sahib, and explanations by a Thai Sikh gentleman who have explained them in clean, simple languages what the essence of the lines are, thirty lines and they are so spot on. Here, I marvel and salute the power of communication that how a person sitting in Thailand sends lines and the meanings to a lady in Chandigarh and she then shares with people in England, US and the heart of Punjab. But, the best part is I still like keeping them the old –fashioned way, by printing them and keeping a hard copy. As, easy it is to forward to people in bulk, it is easier to delete and to erase.

Life has been reduced to this s, making friends, adding them on our list, messaging them and then reducing them by one unfriend button. It’s this virtual adding on and deleting people by a stroke that has led to lack of emotional quotient in the children, society and everyone around us. Its been reduced to this only. Another one, is when they forward inspirational messages as it is the Chinese year of the tiger, rat or mouse and forwarding it will give you seven years of good luck otherwise, misfortune will follow. Every God / Goddess has special powers, prayers need to be forwarded to at least seven people, and money bags will follow and if you don’t, that anyways gets me worried. My friends make fun of me, as I forward the chain to not break it. Also, the medical information passed on to save a dying person in far off place and I sit in a village whose name they can’t even pronounce is beyond comprehension.

This can go on and on, I have made innumerable friends, have got in touch with them, here and across borders.

However, as the song goes daakiya daak aya , my life is reduced to seeing the two ticks go blue.  

Same/Same /to you

We live in the oldest civilizations of the world, proudly flaunting the 56”inch chest and proclaim to the world that we gave it the number Zero, infinite and yoga and astronomy, astrology, spirituality is our domain and we also are the cradle and the cusp to the oldest four religions of the world. I cant even begin to enumerate what we give or we gave to the world or what we can offer in terms of economic wealth, investment opportunities or the fact that we have the largest concentration of brain power that is multiplying ever year.

Never has the Sone Ki Chidiya looked brighter and bolder in the recent years even if the signs of Global Depression have been announced.

Two days ago was a historic day in the US, the Supreme Court in a landmark judgment has allowed, sanctified and solemnized blessed same-sex marriages.  The landmark ruling has parked off rainbow sparks everywhere, face book has gone viral and the colors all tell us about freedom, freedom of choice. Why has it taken us so long to accept this? Men and women have been prosecuted, hounded just because of their preference of a partner, how does that matter to what they are? Why are we afraid? Why don’t we accept this?

These questions are inevitable, answers are skewed and the radical hardliners all quote the scriptures prophesizing blasphemy, sorry my God doesn’t believe in this.

He is all encompassing, forgiving and, loving.

Coming closer home, India is a country where forget about same-sex, we kill just because they are not from the same religion, same caste! The lines drawn are so deep, etched into our psyche that we kill, maim, strangulate and leave our daughters and sons to die in ditches, roadsides, hang them by trees or even hunt them down three states across the country and avenge the so called invisible izzat.

The same sex /LGBT doesn’t exist because it is a direct challenge to their manhood. The men think that it’s a matter of shame. In the last few weeks, horror stories have surfaced where sons have been made to have sex with mothers to ‘cure them’, babas and tantric give powder to cure homosexuality, or sometimes the social pressures to be a straight man are so much that depression sets in ultimately leading to suicide.

As parents of the children who will take control of the earth and will probably save it from the Sixth extinction we need to teach them skills of not how to make more money but how to be more compassionate and have empathy. Tolerance of another human being is what will make us survive! Do not make them into little monster copies of yourselves where they are afraid to embrace their sexuality do not blame them. BE understanding.  A week or so a Punjabi mother embraced and accepted her sons homosexuality in plain loving words, we need more of this acceptance.

What is personal is personal, why don’t we adopt the nonchalant famous saanu-ki attitude when dealing with sexual preferences? Why do we have to poke our noses in others business? Who appointed you judge and custodian about what he or she does? We don’t bother about drugs, rape, or environment degradation or deterioration in every food product? But we worry about Sex!

Double standards and hypocrisy to the core, we are a nation that is so entrenched in hypocrisy it’s a cloak that sits well on our shoulders. Progress and modernity is not by wearing the western clothing or getting an Ivy League education or sporting the newest handbag and wearing a dress. Its about the progress and development of mind. Mind is what matters rest is as they say is bull shit ! And we have enough of that lying on the roadsides and everywhere.

My friend sent me a funny one when we were debating about same-sex marriages ‘ Don’t get what’s the big deal about same-six marriage is? Almost all married people have always complained that their sex is always the ‘same ‘.

We need to accept, tolerate and move forward, and that is the way of progress. We gave freedom and that word coined by Mahatma is now the by word of all the world leads but sadly this concept of freedom, liberty has vanished from its birth country.

The Summer Selfies

Its summer time, everyone is on a chutti. The power corridors of the government are on a holiday where they are studying something inconsequential which will never be applied in Punjab. The Minister, his wife, daughter, and son in law the 2.3 kids, the secretary, and the personal assistant have flown away. Every banker, officer, doctor I know have all gone for the lucrative 5 night 6 day package to some other foreign locale. Mango people have all gone to Manali, Shimla and are causing traffic jams for ordinary commuters. Every day, Bookzilla pops up advertisements where rooms are available for Rest 500.

The aim admit under the stress of what will the mohalla wala say, or what will the society say is taking these holidays to ensure they can proudly say oh we went there, and proof is the immediate upload of pictures on Facebook.

Coming to that later, my karigars also went on a religious yatra to Baba Balak Nath ! The maid took off for some place in the hills, they certainly are enjoying more than me! Its been a catch 22 situation where she said she needed time off so she can relax and make herself free from tension. I immediately sent her with my blessing and a bribe so she may come back and I earned brownie points in this fashion.

I have not found any answer to this. However this affliction which is found where one gets one’s henpecked husband to take 18 pictures with the duck pout and hair framing perfectly, and the shades in place with the perfect nude make and shimmer – up and the right posturing is done is a disease. It has caught with everyone, children, mothers, and aunties, newly wed, and holiday goers in foreign locales. In fact, its become a trend to first shop for the holiday to wear the latest dresses, mini skirt s, minuscule shorts, and the other so called modern clothing! With flip-flops for one’s feet!

I mean what happened to comfortable clothing! I have friends who have taken pictures, which are then vetted by their wives who make sure it is making them look beautiful, pretty and then it is uploaded with a check in. And, heaven forbid you don’t have a Wi-Fi connection; the immediate validation by the check in is proof that you have actually gone for a holiday. It starts from the travel from hometown, from the airport where you post a check in along with a smart catchy one liner ensuring the maximum likes.

My sons think I have the same problem too, in fact the only difference is that it doesn’t bother whether I look good or not. This year at Manali , a couple fell and hurt themselves badly when trying to take a selfie ! They injured themselves rather badly. When I was travelling in Bhutan, I was guilty of a lot of these but at one place when we were climbing to reach to Tiger’s Nest, there were explicit instructions to not take selfies or take photographs on the path, as the other side was a sheer drop and a lady tourist from Thailand had lost her life in early March; just when she was taking a selfie with the panorama at the back.

Sometimes, these fads are dangerous and life threatening. My brother who is a Doctor calls them a serious affliction and also points out young kids especially girls who start posturing them selves with a tilt of their neck, injure themselves requiring a medical attention later.

Till then, we as a nation are led by a PM who is an expert in taking selfies and posting them on the social media, who am I to complain? I always live in hope for acche din.

Education and Dreams

I have been running an after school hours for underprivileged children in my village for the last three years and finally this year the children sat for their Punjab board exams and I was as anxious as if they were my exams. No surprise, the girls came first and topped their individual schools in and around the five kilometer vicinity. The boys also did well, securing first divisions and that gave them an extra edge over the rest of the village boys. They were simply better. The change in their personality and demeanor as they were something was visible and apparent.

Next came the question of what to choose, what stream to follow. The dreams are big. One wants to become an automobile engineer, his father is the local in house Baba. The father gets mass weddings done for poor girls! His is a story for another day, One of them wants to join the police force and become an IPS officer, mind you when you see her, you see this mouse of a girl but the fire burning in her eyes, makes you believe in her grit.  There are many who want to join the police or the armed forces seeing it to be the deliverance from poverty and to be assured of a steady income. Facing the enemy’s bullet doesn’t deter them. There is one who dreams of being a Master Chef, and seeing her you know how much the West has invaded us1

Are these dreams doable? Do they seem attainable for children who studied under aboard that teaches them in Punjabi, doesn’t bother with compulsory attendance, passes them till the standard 8^th, and relies mainly on set questions that are learnt by rote and answered and ensures inflated imaginary results.

But, the rude shock is when these children stand nowhere. They do not fit into any commerce, medical or non – medical stream. Citing results, and displaying a few pictures does not encompass the whole scenario of the children who pass out but have no future. How many children form rural background of Punjab actually became a Doctor, engineer or an accountant or became a direct commissioned officer? Why do we let them dream and then we snatch them away from them cruelly, jerking them and throwing them into a menial cesspool of ordinary jobs. I don’t debase any ordinary work, someone has to do them so that the wheels of the society turn, but here the majority is sucked into this. How do I explain a child that just because he want pushed enough by his government teacher and he was told to study by “guides (a parallel industry is based on these) earmarked specific questions that he cannot compete with the rest in the college?  It just keeps on getting worse; the sports players are playing sports that don’t even have a mention in the national games roster. What is an American game doing in the heartland of Punjab that is known as the cradle of our national game hockey? Who plays baseball, any way? Babe Ruth Singh.

I am as guilty as my ministers and the educationists who sit in some hallowed halls of Chandigarh or the great seats of learning who have set up a school board that is far removed from reality.

The old age saying and the Biblical meaning ‘ spare the rod, spoil the child ‘ is what is coming back to haunt us. When are we going to sit up and take notice of the rot in our education system? Asking my children who look up to me for paving their future by respectable white collared jobs to do diploma courses, or enhance them selves by skill development courses just sends a message that I am also as guilty as the rest plus I fail like the rest asking them to settle for second best.

Punjabis, just don’t know how to settle for second best. It in in our nature to persevere and persevere we shall…