ireport 10

For brevity and anonymity sakes let’s call her Mrs. X or Sheela Darling!!

She is one of the nameless, faceless women who lives, breathes in our country all driven by the weight of the advertisements, billboards extolling beauty and the shortest quickest way to be fair and lovely, beautiful with a sylph body, waif- thin like Kareena. I mean where did all the curves go ala Sadhana ji... Don’t we want some meat on the bones? The voluptuousness, curves are a mirage now. Just imagine, what sheela darling has to go through.. She starts with a normal physique( BMI in order)and then suddenly a fad starts where THIN is IN WHICH DROPS TO size ZERO( COURTESY Rujuta Dwidekar n saifeena madness)I mean , we have laptop ‘s who are giving me a complex and even the I-pad says I’m thin , I’m thin.
Suddenly the nukkad wala sabziwala, the Apni Mandi sees an upsurge of lettuce sales or the country cousin cabbage. A note here: the deputy cm and the ex-fm ; we could have started/ heralded an entire agricultural revolution if we had marketed cabbage in proportion to the sexy curves of a Punjabi woman. This unruly mess that Punjab is would never have happened. Forget debt, we would have record revenue. If there is one thing the Punjabi farmer knows is, is his farming and how to boost his production He who toils, would have toiled for this sickly green leaf and the zero calorie food value it has. There are rumors that the latest is a lettuce wrap which drains out excess fluid when the lettuce is wrapped around oneself. Just imagine, the organic, inexpensive way to be thin. Never mind the creepy –crawlies coming out.
She thinks, wonders how to fit herself in the clothes which threaten to shape every bulge, every curve so lovingly nurtured with the extra butter on the paranthas and the yummy dal makhani.Isn’t it strange how gravity starts affecting every move? The jiggle, every turn threatens to spiral one downwards, and how suddenly bras and undies became lacier and more expensive than the clothes wore on ones back. Mrs X laments the fact, how why what, is she going to tone herself with a fine butt. The gym instructor who promises the moon by eating right is actually a devil in disguise that puts her through reps and torture. Her current fantasy shifts from making love to Gerard Butler to strangulating him to a slow painful death on the elliptical.
It sure doesn’t end here one has to constantly be tweezed, waxed, buffed, sanded, massaged as if the Grand prix was on. The entire industry of cosmetics slowly exists on the one myth that if we use this product after a short period of time say 7 days… a fairer , cleaner you is possible who then goes onto become the ultimate sex object. Remember here ladies, please do not step out in the sun, it might darken your skin so join the Twilight brigade (Vampire ...Edward Cullen fame) and have the lustrous, glistening like diamonds skin which will dazzle and cause temporary blindness, something to the affect. (The writer is just trying to say in short people will swoon and faint looking at you)
Oh ,last not the least Sheela has to get her straightened, colored, with a few strategic flicks on her forehead all giving a mysterious air like Mata Hari .She wonders where did the comfortable swirl of her hair which could be conveniently be put up in a bun to stave away the heat. No, now it’s important to have all of them straight in an exotic color with a shine which rival’s the wax jobs given on the cars at the Jaguar showroom. You know, how the brits say spit and polish…
I could go on about the solitaires, the C’s which are the bible of every woman these days and the expensive shades which shield the exotic eyes, all kohled and made up but hidden behind them.
This anonymous woman faces the daily task of breathing openly for the fear of popping her jeans and make things go snap facing the world through her strategically placed hair with her hands buffed and feet into the latest nude peep-toes , while humming the tune in her mind …’You are so beautiful’
Reminiscing about the time when beauty was not skin deep and was not an overt display.

Ps: normal specimens still found at large