Parenting is such a complicated job, there are no set rules, guidelines or one can’t go the store to buy a book which in a concise manner will lay down the steps to guide your child through his/ herlife.One has to learn, stumble, pick oneself and walk this journey which is called life which has so many curveballs which leave you dizzy but has its rewards also. Today’s youth are part of a generation which is more focused on their rights, their privileges which are due to them rather than their responsibilities and their obligations. Some parents want to blame the media for this trend, it is so easy to pass the buck and let someone else be the fall guy. However the media is not responsible for educating kids or instilling values in them and teachers are there to educate them focusing on the academic content with a certain purview of values.
So, the question is who is responsible for gen-x‘s mindset? Quite frankly the onus is on the parents. You, me, we all are responsible... Nobody can place moral ethical values on them or discipline our children apart from the parents. Unfortunately, too many parents are trying to be their kid’s best friend and are shirking from the inherent parental duty- namely to mold the child to be a responsible adult of tomorrow. For today’s youth to excel tomorrow, parents need to raise the bar and expect the best from their kids each and every day. Raising the bar is not figurative here! It means to build a relationship where a child will be brought up in a relationship where he is taught to emphasize responsibility and moral behavior. Such an endeavor begins its journey from the first and fundamental rung called trust. It is not easy to create trust, to give trust and especially in young people it is a difficult task. . However, the greater the trust you build with your kids the greater the sense of responsibility in them.
We give them freedom an d when they somewhat violate the lines which are constructed by us as barriers or the fine lines of societal norms we take the freedom back. This is damaging and parents should realize that by giving them freedom we need to make them responsible to shoulder this new fangled freedom given to them. It is important to set expectations early. Young people actually crave expectations, rules and responsibilities. They want the adults in their life to tell them , in clear dialog what they are supposed to strive for.
What are your personal expectations for your children? Do your kids know what you expect of them? Do they understand those expectations? Most parents have never voiced their desires, and if they have they are not clear, thus kids are never clear about them. Even more damaging the psyche is that from the past two generations our country has evolved into a society where we give them more freedom, leeway because we as parents do not want to upset them. We are all so caught up in the mirage of being hip, cool, with the times and this jargon falls flat on our face. W e need to move from this mindset where we can fine tune our kids to understand our expectations and teach them how to live in a societal framework. Doing so will actually make the kids feel better, also will lessen the stress, as they wouldn’t have to belabor so many decisions. They will have clear cut decisions for what is right what is wrong and then they act intuitively. Please be a mom or a dad and not the cool dude!!
It is also important to understand and more important to accept your child’s uniqueness. Remember we didn’t place an order and get our kids from a wholesale manufacturing unit. Every child is blessed with his or her own characteristics. The mistake often we make is when we try to relive our youth through our kids. As a result, parents often send messages to their kids that say, ‘You’re not good enough as you are: you should be like this instead.” If kids feel that you won’t accept them as they are with their limitations then they turn towards other sources of acceptances and they won’t seek your guidance or help for anything. It is important to listen, to listen quietly with open ears and a closed mouth however much you must be seething to say something. Listen to the child. Change yourself, to adapt to them, take a good look in the mirror and see how you can be a better parent. Be the adult that you are an don’t let it be a clash of wills, the child wants love, acceptance and even if he is being difficult look beyond that. All kids look to their parents for guidance so remember lead the life you want your kids to copy…
Every adult needs to live, create a model which can be emulated by the kids of tomorrow. They need to be influenced and guided by us so we can shape them to be tomorrow’s responsible leaders. Children are given to us like a lump of clay be like the potter which gently nudges this lump into beautiful pottery sometimes by nudging it and sometimes by slicing the extra bit of clay by a firm stick; gentle but with a bit of authority. Do not shake in your resolve but be firm and gentle….