transformation 101.1

Transformation 101.1
I don’t know how to describe myself, though my fb status comes close to what I am.. Conspiring, evolving and smiling. Call it my obsessive reading habit or the fact is that I read whatever I lay my hands on, I got interested in spirituality. Also, I think apart from the cynical, aethist friends that I have we are all in awe of HIM.
Increasingly, I find myself withdrawing and trying to learn at the same time and the only thing I’ve concluded is that one needs to practice it daily; it’s not a weekend chore or once a blue-moon activity. It is what the learned people describe it as karma yoga. There are countless spas, resorts, wellness centers which one can join and you get a crash course where you can saturate yourself with a quickie program and feel that you have attained salvation and one feels that it would carry you forward to the next level. Oh! There were fears by my sweet adorable sister-in law who thought I was getting all flaky and was reading too much of the heavy stuff with covers adorned by men with long flowing beards! Even my friends think I’m a bit of a loony as I talk to God.
This journey all started and I don’t want to bore you with the details but I progressed, I think with all my knobby knees and increasing loss of hair much to the chagrin of family I became a karmic yogini. Sounds increasingly heavy, mumbo-jumbo and spiritualistic, doesn’t it? It seems you’ll hear the temple bells ringing when you see me and incense coming out of my ears. Well nothing of that sort, I had a moment of eureka where I realized that the saying which Yashodhara uttered,” If you don’t do the work, you do the pain”.
Do not confuse the word karma to the t-shirts available by the dozen in Manali or the John Lennon song “instant Karma” (And we all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun”). I‘ve grown up hearing from my grandmother that what one shall sow one shall reap and then my kids have been taught that there are two angels on their shoulders called chitar and gupt who see what they are doing. It has guided them throughout their life. We could also call it a boomerang effect. Karma yoga tells us that doing your work selflessly and skillfully, this focused work is an opportunity to peel away the layers of the conscious mind to find out what you already know and who you already are. Have you ever sat quietly without the constant blare of music or activity and dwelled who you are? Try it. It’s scary.
Try putting your effort into the mouth /words which one can sprout all the time.
I have always been a chatter-box, talking to nineteen to a dozen and how I love it. However maybe I am growing up. Each time I notice a new thing about myself. It’s an exciting experiment and you will also see that people would not like this change this new rebel in you. When we conform or go with the flow it’s a smooth ride, the tricky part is to have an identity and still submerge.
The books, the saints all extol of one thing do not get attached to the result; do not get attached to the end result. To quote, the Bhagvad Gita,” You have the right to work, but not to the fruits thereof”. I find that increasingly difficult, frustrating, I mean I’m working so I get paid . Also, I always want to complete the chore and move on to something exciting or different.
We all have this fantasy where we think life should be this dewy colored, soft, fluffy mother-of pearl hued universe and we keep on waiting for the epiphany to hit us. Well, keep on dreaming folks. It isn’t going to happen, you’d need to be brain –dead or be on drugs.
Life has periods of perfection, absolute stillness complete harmony and then you get hit by a tornado of emotions, a torrent of words and you don’t know what hit you. I also am learning how controlling I am. I always thought I was easy to get along, deferring to others but was I in for a surprise. I realized this when I came across another controlling person! My controlling tendencies I think come from self-doubt. Doubt is about having your cake and not eating it.Having a path and not being on it. Opening a door and not walking through it. Nodding your head yes and saying no. Doubt is a dangerous waste of time. For a karma yogi time is just a concept. One needs to act rather than procrastinate. I fear always that my work is not good enough so I delay>one of my friends is testament to this. I will delay think up of a zillion excuses and will defer. Well am getting better. I did not promise the moon! The block-buster barriers which I had created are indeed coming down and I promise the show is only going to get better; or as they say.
I am learning to learn; it is a tough concept. To re-learn to break down the barriers the set principles created and moreover conditioned in my mind. To change the preconceived notions the expectations. The irony is what I ask for and what I get.
I wish I had some pearls of wisdom all I have is some ramblings so will be back to sound like a cliché’.