To eat or to be thin

Every Saturday with the parent interaction with the village women and their children, gives me an insight to what there lives are and the struggle they face to educate their children. This past Saturday, I met a few ladies who had taken time out to discuss a problem that I had thought was limited to the economically better sections of the society. This was ignorance and assumption on my part, not realizing that it affects us all equally.

Their young girls, aged around 12, had started skipping meals and didn’t eat their parantha anymore because they didn’t want to get fat! And here, I am worried about their mal nutrition and the fact that they are anemic and the far-reaching repercussions on their health. The children are given supplements in consultation with a gynecologist and a pediatrician but I came to know that they were throwing them away, all this because they don’t want to get fat.

Imagine body shaming is affecting all of us. I feel the society has been conditioned to look in a certain manner. It is the outer covering the outer layer and the image that we present to the world is what is most important. We are now governed by how we should look, what we should wear, what should be our size, physically in all aspects, our hair, our teeth, the skin color. This image consciousness is what governs every waking moment of ours and its not just limited to the fairer sex 9 pun intended).

It affects the men equally too. Boys should not cry, they should not be sissy, they should wear specific colors, there hair, they should be fair, and hence all those fair and handsome skin washes! Sometimes, I think all this driven by commerce. The multi-nationals, their drive to sell their products and then the intelligent psychological marketing and the targeting and the bombardment of the masses is the reason for this insecurity in the minds of our children and successfully the younger adults. They grow up with the images of the perfect Ken and Barbie and those they should be of a certain size and the hair and the looks. They grow being cruel to anyone who is not the same, and heaven forbid, you might be dark skinned or you don’t have the perfect hair. Girls pass snide remarks and that stigma carries on, if you wear spectacles, cant afford lenses or have the wrong shade of skin tone, you cannot imagine the names that are kept for you. How many of you have been teased mercilessly over your nose, eyes, and skin color?  I had a special name for my nose! In fact, I was constantly teased for my nose and my hands, apparently they weren’t soft enough for a girl! And, now I look back where does it say a woman is supposed to have soft hands?

It is our pre-conceived notions, our notions how we should be, what they make us and how they influence us subtly; we are guided and rule by them. I am amazed how girls want to be perfect all the time. Even men face this, they need to be buffed, be attractive and built, and they also hide a lot of insecurities and worry about being rejected all the time.

A person’s character, his strong points, his values are not taken into consideration; what is more important is the outer wrapping, his abs, his handle bar moustache, flat board stomach, the expensive watch, designer clothes and the car he drives. Nothing else matters in this superficial, empty world. These pressures are leading to lot of mental blockages, resistance, manifesting itself in the size zero models, anorexia nervosa and depression and also the most important when they start living beyond their pockets, spiraling and getting caught in a money debt trap.

Body shaming exists and is a genuine problem; we need to counsel our children to be confident in their own skin .They need to accept their size and shape and skin color and not be ruled by the dictates of the cosmetic company’s image of the perfect man or woman . The photo shop, the air – brushing changes are not what they need to see on the billboards, they need to see them as they are, faults and all. And, the important thing is they are not faults but are just what we were born with.

Instead of having apps on the phone that make one look perfect and to use different filters, there should be one where one can down load normalcy ! Our Indian society is a cruel one, we all have very strict standards on how one should be, they are judgmental and everything aims at being eligible for the marriage mart. It starts with being white and fair and not having a wheatish complexion, trust me not one of the kids today could even identify the wheat stalk ! Let alone the color. It doesn’t stop , then they have to fit in those outlandish dresses which are made for girls who frankly neither have a front nor a back .

However, there is one bright spot , we have spiraled a crazy industry , the gyms and the get slim overnight and the cosmetic industry where they give you the perfect nose, eyes, stomach or even the road side quack that promises an increase in height and makes one fairer.

Acche din , are here .

I still however wait for an answer to how to convince the young girls over the parantha debate .

Meri Awaaz ..aur uski kahaani

I have an alternate career not like Pammi Aunty or Sarla bhenji I am not an auntypreneur. I have just found my calling. I am lending my voice for all the electioneering. It so happened eons ago, that due to a nonstop consumption of a new type of tomato baked on fire added with red chillies vinegar and garlic chutney made me lose my voice ( it was passable, I believe not sureeli like men want ) but just decent and now it resembles a foghorn at its best . It’s become a cross between the hawkers voice mixed with the nukkad wala bhaiyaji’s voice.

Honest, even my son thought my phone had been stolen and taken over by complete strangers. I had to convince it was me, his hyper Punjabi brown ma .

I have literally tried everything under the sun, from Betadine gargles mint flavored, to salt water, dispirin water and also have even started blowing bubbles when I do this. Anything goes, is my new mantra. Every little dry gnarled stick, that resembles a twig, herb has been boiled, halved and the recipes concocted according to all mother in laws where a pinch of black pepper, a tablespoon of ghee and turmeric has been tried. Every one has a dadi ma ka nuskha they swear by. I have honestly tried all of them, from the besan to the sooji , to the atta prasad , all that they are doing is turning my innards into ghee, and adding the so–not needed inches to my middle .

In this fashion, all that is going to happen is that I am going to go towards an early grave! Medicines, allopathy , homeopathic and even the unnani who  swear by the Joshanda are not working . I am, currently all ears to any and every answer to fixing the vocal chords. Apparently the answer to my throat lies not in the antibiotics, but to dipping three jalebis in hot milk and eating and drinking the whole glass before going to sleep and not eating anything after that. It is the answer and time tested to solve any malaise of the throat.

I wish this could lure me, and I could succumb to the jalebi hot milk combo, alas, this doesn’t even tempt me.

In the meanwhile I have given out feelers to the current ruling coalition and even the opposition so as to make a quick buck and pay for the ever mounting medical bill. The only thing that I have not tried is the muffler wala trick, maybe that is what is needed to convince my throat to behave and get back on track. Or, I could take a vow of silence and set myself on the path of meditation and self-awareness. Any deliverance ,would be welcome .  

Rape, enough said .

A four-letter word, that is spoken with so much fear and disgust that we all recoil against it. Rape, a four letter word that is a type of sexual assault usually involving forced sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration against a persons wish. It is always against a person’s wish and is always in majority of the cases against a woman.

Reading the letters, which have been featuring in the papers, I feel that rape is one of the most serious crimes committed against a woman so as to show physical dominance.

Men are driven to this to physically dominate and to show their strength, leave a stamp on the woman to erase, negate the woman- hood. It is an act done in anger, desperation.

I feel, men do this and try to shift the blame on alleged provocation, it is so easy for them to say, that the woman was wearing these revealing clothes and she enticed me to do this.

Can we do this and let them get away with such a crime?

Let me say, at first that there is no excuse for this heinous crime.

Rape, is a crime, against a woman’s physical body yes, but the mental anguish, the crime and injustice against a woman’s soul cannot be ever measured by giving a sentence against the rapist. Sadly, the law in this country is weak, delayed, and ineffectual and justice is a mockery. I was discussing this with a young man, who says men do this because of illiteracy, lack of education, a wider viewpoint to respect women. In fact, one can pin point on this statistic but, it happens in the rich, poor, the educated, the illiterate, the baser instinct always surfaces.

We cannot segregate to a faction, they just become deranged animals and lose their selves.

To discuss or to keep on expanding what rape is futile , we all know what it is . It all depends on us , that what are we going to do , to end this . As, someone wise told me , we can change have the highest yield by approaching the mind of th child . the mind of the child is the most innocent, and impressionable . We , need to start young , and instill and teach them to respect the girl child , that later becomes a woman . it needs to be a herd mentality . To start early, is what one needs to do, as later it becomes difficult to un-teach them.

Impressions are made, and then they are imprinted, teach them young that girls , women are meant to be respected, loved, cherished and not to  be plundered and pillaged as if she is a piece of chattel or property. She is not a bartering stone. Why do you do this to subdue her? Match her in her intelligence, her spirit and then woo her and learn to accept the No .

When men make it as a personal ego onslaught and an affront to their izzat and their manhood , do we see the rise of acid attacks and rape.

I see , no way out till we all admit that it happens, it happens in close quarters, and we all need to acknowledge it can happen to any one of us. Do not be superior or be deluded in thinking that we are above this or safe . Please be careful , and do your bit and save the beautiful girl who cowers from unwanted attention . to know about a rapist and not bring him to justice is a worse crime .

In a country of over one billion , mere sloganeering is not going to make a difference, do your bit . It starts with you , me and not from any alien out in the universe. Do your karma, to make your dharma and not only for the nine days of fasting but for life and every day .    

Am I Brown enough ?

What do I say? Where do we belong? Are we given credit for what we are, our qualification our values or are we judged in this world for being white or brown? Nothing upset me more since today morning when my cousin posted a status on face book. In fact, face book brings me close to cousins that were missing or are in far-flung areas of the world. She was sitting in the orthodontist office reading the 2016 man booker prize book where she was asked do you speak English? Then, the orthodontist asked her daughter where are you from, so the little precious girl all of seven years said here.

The doctor still kept on insisting again, where are you from? She said, White Plains.

Then, the orthodontist said to my cousin, but your dentist doesn’t take insurance.

It was assumed by the orthodontist that my cousin doesn’t know English. She further assumed that because the little one was brown, she couldn’t be from ‘ here ‘. That because, she was brown she could not afford dental care.

We live in a world, where it is assumed that just because one is brown, one cannot afford dental care, because one is brown one cannot speak English and it is further assumed that English is not mother tongue, then what?

Why do we look at the outer package? Do we want glitter? Are we comfortable when the person looks like us, speaks like us? My cousin was born in England; she is a practicing cardiologist in New York and is as smart as they come. Just because she likes her long hair, and her Indian- ness and doesn’t color her self with a bb cream to make her skin like a geisha white girl and doesn’t become a brunette with smart subtle dull blonde streaks and doesn’t flash her credentials in the face , makes her less than anyone?

I wonder why this ignorance or should I say arrogance? In a world that is fraught with so many tensions, strife, and is making giant steps to conquer the unknown ,we are still worried about color of the skin . Assuring ones’ s child that the brown makes us less susceptible to cancer is not the answer. Medical reasoning is not the way out of a situation or the way to side step a situation . And, mind you the kid is a US citizen , but I guess ignorance is a global commodity . Wearing bling, and her rocks she could definitely intimidate the orthodontist and make her sit up, but what a waste !

We all have one life ,no one ever came back from the dark side , nor did one come back from learning from Yoda what happens there , that we can come back and live our life according to the tenets laid down by the masters. Why are we still made to prove our worth by outer manifestations or the outer cover? I think one should be like the panda bear , half white and black , but adored and loved by all and brought back from extinct status to living !

Don’t judge the book by the cover , just read and then form judgment , do not impose or impress upon a young child’s mind she is black , brown or less than white ! It confuses them and leads them to a merry path where she will try to ignore her brown to be white, and would end up being confused !

Do not let social conditioning ruin you , your soul cannot be sexist , racist or classist , so why are you ?

Oh, by the way I deal with a double whammy every time I meet the society matrons, I live in the village , don’t have the hair all over the place teased and dyed into a  Sonam brown , no tattoo , and don’t even wear a dress or a western outfit; just a good old fashioned  Punjabi suit with no claim to modernity and have just about had no laser to zap the freckles !

So sad na , removed from civilization .

I wonder what goes in the mind .

Well , that’s for another day .