To eat or to be thin

Every Saturday with the parent interaction with the village women and their children, gives me an insight to what there lives are and the struggle they face to educate their children. This past Saturday, I met a few ladies who had taken time out to discuss a problem that I had thought was limited to the economically better sections of the society. This was ignorance and assumption on my part, not realizing that it affects us all equally.

Their young girls, aged around 12, had started skipping meals and didn’t eat their parantha anymore because they didn’t want to get fat! And here, I am worried about their mal nutrition and the fact that they are anemic and the far-reaching repercussions on their health. The children are given supplements in consultation with a gynecologist and a pediatrician but I came to know that they were throwing them away, all this because they don’t want to get fat.

Imagine body shaming is affecting all of us. I feel the society has been conditioned to look in a certain manner. It is the outer covering the outer layer and the image that we present to the world is what is most important. We are now governed by how we should look, what we should wear, what should be our size, physically in all aspects, our hair, our teeth, the skin color. This image consciousness is what governs every waking moment of ours and its not just limited to the fairer sex 9 pun intended).

It affects the men equally too. Boys should not cry, they should not be sissy, they should wear specific colors, there hair, they should be fair, and hence all those fair and handsome skin washes! Sometimes, I think all this driven by commerce. The multi-nationals, their drive to sell their products and then the intelligent psychological marketing and the targeting and the bombardment of the masses is the reason for this insecurity in the minds of our children and successfully the younger adults. They grow up with the images of the perfect Ken and Barbie and those they should be of a certain size and the hair and the looks. They grow being cruel to anyone who is not the same, and heaven forbid, you might be dark skinned or you don’t have the perfect hair. Girls pass snide remarks and that stigma carries on, if you wear spectacles, cant afford lenses or have the wrong shade of skin tone, you cannot imagine the names that are kept for you. How many of you have been teased mercilessly over your nose, eyes, and skin color?  I had a special name for my nose! In fact, I was constantly teased for my nose and my hands, apparently they weren’t soft enough for a girl! And, now I look back where does it say a woman is supposed to have soft hands?

It is our pre-conceived notions, our notions how we should be, what they make us and how they influence us subtly; we are guided and rule by them. I am amazed how girls want to be perfect all the time. Even men face this, they need to be buffed, be attractive and built, and they also hide a lot of insecurities and worry about being rejected all the time.

A person’s character, his strong points, his values are not taken into consideration; what is more important is the outer wrapping, his abs, his handle bar moustache, flat board stomach, the expensive watch, designer clothes and the car he drives. Nothing else matters in this superficial, empty world. These pressures are leading to lot of mental blockages, resistance, manifesting itself in the size zero models, anorexia nervosa and depression and also the most important when they start living beyond their pockets, spiraling and getting caught in a money debt trap.

Body shaming exists and is a genuine problem; we need to counsel our children to be confident in their own skin .They need to accept their size and shape and skin color and not be ruled by the dictates of the cosmetic company’s image of the perfect man or woman . The photo shop, the air – brushing changes are not what they need to see on the billboards, they need to see them as they are, faults and all. And, the important thing is they are not faults but are just what we were born with.

Instead of having apps on the phone that make one look perfect and to use different filters, there should be one where one can down load normalcy ! Our Indian society is a cruel one, we all have very strict standards on how one should be, they are judgmental and everything aims at being eligible for the marriage mart. It starts with being white and fair and not having a wheatish complexion, trust me not one of the kids today could even identify the wheat stalk ! Let alone the color. It doesn’t stop , then they have to fit in those outlandish dresses which are made for girls who frankly neither have a front nor a back .

However, there is one bright spot , we have spiraled a crazy industry , the gyms and the get slim overnight and the cosmetic industry where they give you the perfect nose, eyes, stomach or even the road side quack that promises an increase in height and makes one fairer.

Acche din , are here .

I still however wait for an answer to how to convince the young girls over the parantha debate .