I have an alternate career not like Pammi Aunty or
Sarla bhenji I am not an auntypreneur. I have just found my calling. I am
lending my voice for all the electioneering. It so happened eons ago, that due
to a nonstop consumption of a new type of tomato baked on fire added with red
chillies vinegar and garlic chutney made me lose my voice ( it was passable, I
believe not sureeli like men want ) but just decent and now it resembles a
foghorn at its best . It’s become a cross between the hawkers voice mixed with
the nukkad wala bhaiyaji’s voice.
Honest, even my son thought my phone had been stolen
and taken over by complete strangers. I had to convince it was me, his hyper
Punjabi brown ma .
I have literally tried everything under the sun, from
Betadine gargles mint flavored, to salt water, dispirin water and also have
even started blowing bubbles when I do this. Anything goes, is my new mantra.
Every little dry gnarled stick, that resembles a twig, herb has been boiled,
halved and the recipes concocted according to all mother in laws where a pinch
of black pepper, a tablespoon of ghee and turmeric has been tried. Every one
has a dadi ma ka nuskha they swear by. I have honestly tried all of them, from
the besan to the sooji , to the atta prasad , all that they are doing is
turning my innards into ghee, and adding the so–not needed inches to my middle
.
In this fashion, all that is going to happen is that I
am going to go towards an early grave! Medicines, allopathy , homeopathic and
even the unnani who swear by the Joshanda
are not working . I am, currently all ears to any and every answer to fixing
the vocal chords. Apparently the answer to my throat lies not in the
antibiotics, but to dipping three jalebis in hot milk and eating and drinking
the whole glass before going to sleep and not eating anything after that. It is
the answer and time tested to solve any malaise of the throat.
I wish this could lure me, and I could succumb to the
jalebi hot milk combo, alas, this doesn’t even tempt me.
In the meanwhile I have given out feelers to the
current ruling coalition and even the opposition so as to make a quick buck and
pay for the ever mounting medical bill. The only thing that I have not tried is
the muffler wala trick, maybe that is what is needed to convince my throat to
behave and get back on track. Or, I could take a vow of silence and set myself
on the path of meditation and self-awareness. Any deliverance ,would be welcome
.
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