The wedding season literally upon us , all the Chanda , Tara’s are smiling ,winking and all the auspicious dates have been lined up and I have the mother of all seasons , where from next week onwards I’m booked till post Christmas . It is just what they call it as a big fat Punjabi wedding scenario. The bigger , the better, the blinker , the shinier and the glitzier is better. Every season , we try to reinvent ourselves with bigger jewels, bling outfits , and more pictures to make memories for the instant likes knowing very well that more people will view the story than liking the post ! It’s just how we are , the voyeur in us is all out every season .
From the invites, to snagging the best wedding invites , to the favours to the mithai to the clothes to booking the best make up artist , to the hair stylist , its a competition and blood has been shed to book them! Every season one designer becomes the favourite, and everyone makes a beeline for her or him to wear the it suit and the colours because how can one woman be ahead than the other .
The colours are brighter than the rainbow or paler than water depending upon what is deemed as the trending colour and men are flashy and coordinate with their turbans depending whether they are from Majha ,Malwa or Doaba ; distinct colours dominate ! They also sometimes seem stuffed in their suits , do men have corsets too?
The problem comes for people like me who are misfits ,old and have neither a designer suit in ones name and nor is the hair golden grey . I think Punjab has more golden hair than the Aryans of Germany . The designer bag to the designer clothes , to the shoes to the ordinary jutti all have become synonymous with style , elan and everything is tagged to have maximum exposure. Heaven forbid , you wear the same suit again its akin to committing social harakiri.
Every wedding picture is uploaded only with a particular hashtag and that has to be unique and quirky . The ordinary and simple have no meaning anymore . Make up is to another level , one doesn’t simply get ready , one has a stylist and some one who will change the skin color and contour and highlight and sharpen or conceal any spot that might come because you might just like sitting in the sun like me or have age spots .
The cosmetics industry and the skin specialists have more arsenal ready than both the Korean countries and can and make you something else , you just have to shell out money ! Money makes the mare go .
And , oh how can I forget , in the midst to get the perfect picture , there are so many takes , that one misses the actual events because the photographer is more strict and he keeps on saying look here , please smile ! And I fail hopelessly at all this , I smile and take pictures for happiness and memory and not for the perfect angle or pose! One is supposed to thrust your pelvis at an angle , tip toe like a ballet dancer ( and we are Punjabis with hips that don’t lie ) and to angle and jut out . Growing up no one taught me that this was my right side or wrong side , I was just grateful to see as I am half blind!
And you have to have the designer glasses to stare at people behind the dark lens and also sport a deadpan expression , have you ever seen a happy smiling picture ? Nope , just that expression akin to Morticia. All these are the rules of the Punjabi wedding ,where you arrive fashionably late , have a drink one hand , sample the wares and gossip about others , and make notes in one’s mind castle , and give the Shagun envelope where they keep on saying no but they will take it in the end.
It’s a saga with cuisines of all the world , all the wine and the liquor you can drink , with the cheese grazing table and all I crave is a good coffee amidst everyone talking about the new vegan diet ! The circus continues and we all take part in it wanting freedom but chained to the yoke .
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