Death and I

I had gone to attend a Kriya of my Vice Principal’s daughter who had passed away. All deaths are unfortunate, no one wants to face the reality and the certainty of Death but it is the one and only truth. I went there, shocked, shamed that I had not been in touch with my teacher who had taught me a lot of core values plus math. Mr. Bakshi with his dark jet-black flick hair and his bent finger was always on the look out for the backbenchers that tried to evade his questions. I cannot here debate his teaching or whether he played favorites…

I just remember him as a towering imposing disciplinarian who struck fear in our hearts. And today I saw this man, broken a mere shadow of his previous self. His only child had lost her battle and had passed on.

What shocked me was the absence of students who should have come to pay their respects or homage or give support to him. It was a weekday, some said. Some said they had visited him personally at home. I was just taken aback.

Am I being sanctimonious? Was I being overly correct just because I had gone there and the others hadn’t? Why have we lost our humane self ? It is as if all has been replaced by an equation that just translates into money and materialism.

I just realized one eternal truth, when I die no one will be there. All these platitudes of being friends and being there for life and till you die are false. When one dies, who has turned and got up form the grave and marked attendance and said, well so many are present. Good, Now I can die!

Life indeed is cruel and it teaches one at every step.

For me, I am a sentimental fool and these incidents make me lose my faith in humanity and I know no one will be there to cry at my bier.

Punjabi Fashion!

Every year, Punjab suffers from marriage mania. It can be summed up by a mathematical equation, strange it is applicable to us but sometimes we do follow a pattern. It is like this, as the temperature drops, the women start wearing skimpier clothes. This is the time when the temperatures plummet, weddings are planned and women because of fashion start wearing shorter tighter, skimpier clothes. What to do? If they covered themselves in shawls, and wore the ugly sweaters which heaven forbid might give them warmth, how would they show off their clothes, the designs, and most important the OTT jewelry?

Her diamonds, the polkis she wears and the shawl she carries so strategically placed on her shoulder do not know by her intellect but a woman, in Punjab. It is definitely a marvel, I have seen women place them in balance with the duppatta, jewelry and she walks so straight in those pencil heels, and I wonder how it happens. Its like the delicate balance of war we have with the China.

Last Sunday, I was decked in all my finery as much as I could and I was off for a wedding with my husband and as we came out of our house, we saw a sight that was earlier limited to stories and the ever famous Amar Chitra Katha.

I saw a couple sitting in front of our famous old as time, Peepal tree. And they had tied a red thread around it. They were going round and round it.

 When I asked a passer by they said first they had married the girl around the tree so that the would be groom would not die after marriage. This was done in accordance with the kundli. I was stumped.

The world is progressing to inter net weddings, weddings under water, on the balloon, destination weddings and relationships are planned, thought of under planned circumstances and we even have pre nuptials to prevent anything and everything. But, these rituals do exist, when I said it was all superstition and nothing like this prevented a death, as all was predestined.

The old lady stumped by saying, this too was predestined and written by the stars. Sometimes, the old ways are better; at least they were done with full clothes on.

However, do not dismiss me as a prude, I too am partially guilty of fashion!

Resolution vs Reavaluation i confess

I confess. Not to a sordid sexual encounter. But, I confess I failed miserably this year like all the other years. You know, like all my fellow human beings I keep resolutions with all fervor, promise and focus to make myself a better human being (according to all the self help gobbledygook philosophy surrounding us). Every time, I turn on the television, self-help, improvement talks, steps to make myself a better person, to remove all the negativity in me, plus to become healthier, inundate me. I promise if I here, another diet, organic, inorganic, small portions, lean portions, colored portions, dark chocolate, white chocolate, I’m going to go nuts. In fact there is an article today on nuts too!

Oh coming back to my resolutions, I had promised to become a better human being. Being more compassionate, to not abuse, give up coffee, give up bingeing, stop drowning myself in coffee, and to control my habit of going over board on books. In fact, I did a survey amongst my friends on face book, and all of us had failed, left them mid way! One of them had promised him no face book ing (if that is a verb) and he was back on in it! Such was the lure of the siren. Another had decided to give up drinking, according to Google Bhenji /kaur that is the number one resolution worldwide! But, he broke it within a week.

I like my cousins answer , he says be true , be honest and be realistic and as life is a curveball it throws up surprises, and situations that make life better , its better not to have resolutions in the first place. Have faith in God , He has better plans . Be free, be true to your own inner nature and all will unravel according to the bigger cosmic order.

Of course, if I did keep a resolution ,it would lead to revaluation and I wonder if we all ready for that big step……

My inner Voice

Why don’t we ever dream about the dreams we dream about? They all die under the cloaks of responsibility, society, life and are burdened with weighty non existent mind altering situations like what will people say? Have you ever tried to come out of those? India stands truly at the cusp of change. There are millions who are waiting with bated breath to see us fail. They are my own brothers and sisters who have left for greener pastures, what ever their reasons be < I salute and respect them but Sir, don’t dictate what we want to do or how we are driving the country to the dogs.

I am a relative young country of 68 years, the last millions of years of being carved into Bharat, then HIndoostan, then India, I was conquered, plundered, kept under numerous rulers till we gave the world a show our resilience, strength and a taste of our strength. Yes, we won, and we became free. We took giant and somewhat baby step reclaim what is ours. Like all civilizations we go through our upheavals and are slowly finding our way.

What I attribute to this chaos that is giving rise to order is the triumvirate of religion. We have this beautiful mix of the world’s oldest religions, Hinduism, Muslim and Buddhism.

A country that is bathed in the diversity but is inherently one principle has to succeed. India, is a country that has in principle like the ocean that is carving the shores of the land but at different places is cutting in deeper, sharper, softer, and gentler essentially to the same land mass. It all matters on the strength of the wave.

This wave is the consciousness of the human mind. If we all started believing in the power of the mind, and started focusing on our minds to make this country on the righteous path, I believe, no I know with the strongest conviction we can change the tables.

It all takes the power of the common man, and you and I both know Gandhi, Bhagat Singh, Rani Jhansi were all as common as they come but it was the conviction of the mind that led them to stand, fight and change the course of the land. Do you have it in you to believe in our dream? Start small, and let it bloom.

A letter to all

The current activist program undertaken by HT is to be lauded but as always there are buts in every sentence in English. I am a resident of rural Punjab, and I run an evening school for the underprivileged children without any bias. You have to understand here that Punjab has an underlying current of racism, a bomb waiting to explode. Apart from that, we as Punjabis are guilty of bias towards the female child. It runs so deep; it is just in our genes. I see it every day. Boys are preferred because they will till the 2.2-acre that they are going to inherit. They carry on the family name. Who in the world is going to remember your family name after you’re dead, burnt and scattered in the holy river?

Well. It does matter and then we complain of the assault, rape, acid attacks by scorned lovers or boyfriends who wont learn the meaning of No. It’s not going to end by awareness, campaigns, write-ups, or protests. Trust me, every day a mother comes to me, saying please tell my son to go to school, without taking bribe money. In a ratio for 60 to 40, every boy child takes money from his mother to go to school. Boys are given preferential treatment, they are fed milk, bananas, given money, and menus are planned according to him. He gets clothes every year. This is reality.

We need to change this mentality. I have mothers asking me to stop their sons, or not abusing them. And, the abuses are crude, rustic and colorful. They learn this from their fathers; they see their mothers being abused and speak in the same fashion. The social fabric is such, that a woman is expendable, replaceable. A woman who dies, is replaceable a brand new wife, a new mother can be bought, surrogacy, second wives, all are fine. Everywhere, a woman is shown as weak, pliable. The worst is the advertisements, where a woman gets aroused, and is sexually in awe of a man who uses a particular brand of deodorant.

 Sick.

The advert making rounds these days is man marking his territory with a perfume, and warning another man. Is he equating himself to a dog? Are we regressing to thee Stone Age?

Sir, start a campaign to change the woman. She needs empowered, she needs to be instilled with confidence, she needs to know that she has the right to be born, and she needs to be given the boost. Till that doesn’t happen, Sir, we will see more acid burns, critical brides, raped women, burnt, killed for a misguided honor.

If she is born lets save her . I mean , we have the largest numbers of Goddesses we worship , lets atleast pay homage to the living entity . Or , maybe man can wait for a Martian to help him procreate and continue the human race…..

Ravneet Sangha