confessions

CONFESSIONS OF A BORED PUNJABI NUH(DAUGHTER IN LAW)
This is not an illicit, scintillating account of a bored housewife. Nor is it a B-grade movie with all the sordid details to titillate the senses.
It is a mere reflection of the state of a Punjabi woman who are mere ornaments: value decided by the size of diamonds or as they very eloquently put it in the hushed cultured tones taught by the convent nuns….khandaani jewels.It is also seen that as one goes up the hierarchy values, standards change. A general disclaimer is also added by me to take everything with a pinch of salt … Please identify yourself as the story goes.



Looking up at the stars and joining them as WOW: Nanaki remarked to her Dad that when we reversed them they became MOM. That’s why she was up in the heavens, an angel as her Naani had told her. Jai looked at her with amazement and awe. She constantly surprised him with her granny intelligence and his thoughts wandered off to his wife of 11years who had died “mysteriously “as he put it…to the zamana. Keeping one’s face and izzat was more important than anything in this bigoted, patriarchal small world of the Punajbis. Here were unwritten laws which governed every little step you took right from the moment you were born. It was a small controlled world where everything was predetermined pre decided to the extent that where were you born (the right gynae) connected to the oh, so proper! Nursing home where Mozart played to mentally stimulate the baby from the minute he/she was born to be a genius when the child grows up. The first milestones were not recorded as the tiny steps she took, or the words she uttered but the ‘propah preschool’ paving way to the right school that mattered when the ‘rishta’ came. It was as if, life was chartered out like a voyage taken with the new fangled cruise liners. All the navigational charts were predetermined and a course was all set in place when a girl was born. Of course the lament over the birth was disguised very well, there was no actual siaapa which was done in the times when it was politically correct to be upset now one could not even do that, congratulations were accepted with false smiles and tight-lipped expressions. It was automatic to start thinking about her marriage the minute she took her first cry trying to assert her existence. All Papaji thought when Sukhmani was born that where the alliance would be fixed to ensure her khushi…and also to ensure that nothing should sully her reputation. This was his biggest fear. Nothing came close to this, getting retribution for his worst act committed ………He always knew that Babaji would pay him back in this coin. His entire existence was now, in service of the Almighty but however many times he took the ishnaan or a dip in the holy sarovar he knew he would never get absolution. This fire would burn him in hell and Amrit came back to haunt him at all times especially when he sat in the mornings to meditate.
Glancing back at Sukhmani , whose gentle smile and her brown eyes similar to his own, he knew he was captive to her toothless grin the minute his wrapped his finger in his. How is one held captive to someone so small, defenseless? He knew was a goner, funny how that term had cropped up, from his Sanawarian days. Smiling and shouting at pasho, the dai who had brought up all the Sandhu children till date, her face lined with fine lines crisscrossing and as thin as a papyrus parchment of Neferetti. Pasho with her infinite wisdom who knew all about the mysterious ailments which inflicted babies and her gentle hands was entrusted with rearing up Sukhmani after his wife had died in childbirth(yes, it did happen in the best of nursing homes)Money was no guarantee to life, infact in his case it had added misery but that was another story .
Pasho , walked across the room looking as alien as . She with her servile demenaour, white haired muslin dupattaand crisp nondescript faded to nothing suit walked in tiny measured steps to cradle the lil' one who was the spitting image of Anantpreet. Vadhaiyaji, lakhshmi has come to the house and you are blessed ...vedha viaho loge(you will marry off a girl from the household, an old Punjabi superstition which means you'll be blessed for generations)Picking her up, and crooning a lullaby as old as Adam the baby settled in her arms. It seemed as if she possessed the magical touch . Karandeep knew that the new maids from the agency were very good, they had there own style and she was from the old school of thought which valued tezeeb, honor,values more than anything else.

obituary....

My condolences! This day again comes and goes like a carousel which moves emptily in the amusement park after people have gone and then gently settles back into its resting place. It’s like a tired requiem we have for keeping appearances and confirming with the norm.
Punjab, the land of prosperity, the granary state of India has till date not been able to stem the rot which is killing female fetuses blatantly where the govt. turns a blind eye and the society is so indifferent because we’ve become hardened by everything around us. This lust which is all pervading in all spheres shows its ugly head foremost when the magical heir is wanted. We lead the figures in public consumption in all luxury (Mercedes Benz , BMW’s and bigger diamonds and ostentatious houses displaying our wealth) but we all also lead from the back in sexual exploitation, rape , dowry, denial of basic rights like education , food. I think Maslow, did not take Punjabi’s into consideration while he was busy formulating his principles. How can we celebrate A woman’s Day when last week only a young girl was found strangulated , mutilated and thrown down a mountain side on the flimsy excuse that sufficient dowry was not given by her parents……
What is Dowry? Monetary value of the girl or value that which shall ensure a secure married life at her marital home. (Please note, that here I do not bring into the equation happiness here). Happiness is an alien term, forgotten in the increasingly competitive, materialistic life-styles of Punjabis where a person is measured by the cars he drives, the wealth he flaunts.
WE commemorate a day; hold platitudes, ceremonies to celebrate women and money is spent lavishly proclaiming the empowerment and independence and the strides they have made. And, then we measure them from a date (milestone) Aug, 15th 1947. This particular date which set us free acts like gallows on a freed man/woman (pun intended).Why is that we make empty figure-heads out of them with symbolism ruling the day...? It’s boring and repetitive if I make you recount the injustices woman face, you’d probably leave the article mid-way and say here she goes again. Not that I’m planning to sing the popular ditty here, but Can we please do something realistically for the rest of the 364 days??

Starring Karan

I was watching “The ugly truth” and trust me truth is ugly. It’s blatant in the face, over the top and leaves one shaking to the core. Despondency and despair come to the fore and white picket fences get uprooted.

Karan thought about all this while nursing a beer, reclining on his Laz-boy and wondering when he had changed to becoming a guinea-pig. All this about doing it, producing the heir, why oh why couldn’t we let gentle Mother Nature take its course…slowly and steady in its rhythm lulling them to the final destination.

He was a yo-yo between his mother and wife oscillating like a pendulum!! Why don’t women understand that they also needed there space and also had emotions. They couldn’t perform just because the temperature was right or some mumbo-jumbo said that taking a potency mixture in milk, yes milk!! ensured ……….SUCCESS.

It was much easier predicting who was going to win the India-Pakistan match (at least one could either win or lose); but with mom and Rhea on his case and the waiting, it was ruining everything. He wondered where all the shanti had gone.

WORLD CANCER DAY FEB-4TH

Cancer, the very word conjures up the image of a horrifying illness, wasting away, and the pain and invariably death. The mere whisper of the word invokes terror. Let us unravel this terror and take important steps to fight this scourge.

Cancer (medicinal term: malignant neoplasm) is a class of diseases in which a group of cells display uncontrolled growth (division beyond normal limits), invasion and metastasis (spread to other locations in the body via lymph or blood). These three malignant properties of cancer differentiate them from benign tumors which are self-limited. Most cancers form a tumor but some like leukemia don’t. The branch of medicine related to the study, diagnosis, treatment and prevention is called Oncology.

I am sure this was all Latin, and flew over one’s head. Dr. Sarvdeep Dhatt M.D., explains by saying, Cancer is a very aggressive condition and if not detected on time can involve any system or part of the body. Regular screenings and prompts diagnosis along with a multi-specialty approach can help fight the disease”.

Cancer knows no barriers; it will strike swiftly, silently and is 90% of the times fatal. The last census shows that 13% of all the human deaths worldwide were because of cancer. Cancer is caused by abnormalities in genetic material of the transformed cells. These are due to the effects of carcinogens such as tobacco, smoke, radiation, chemicals or infectious agents. The prognosis of cancer patients is most influenced by the type of cancer as well as the stage or potency of the disease.

To combat this February 4^th is marked as WORLD CANCER DAY so as to raise awareness of cancer and to encourage its prevention, detection and treatment. It is led by International union against cancer, a global consortium of more than 280 cancer fighting organizations in over 90 countries. World cancer day targets the public through global communications marking and encourages governments to act and make it a political priority.2010 is earmarked as the year to learn about vaccines against virus that cause cancer (HBV vaccines). 30% of the cancer is preventable by avoiding risk factors such as tobacco, obesity alcohol and physical inactivity, low fruit and vegetable intake, pollution of all types and sexually transmitted infection.

Foremost, it is essential that there should be early detection. Punjab has a high incidence of cancer–related deaths. In the 1960’s and70’s due to overzealous politicians, scientists, philanthropists, farmers were made to switch from traditional methods to the American way of farming- with pesticides, fertilizers and high yielding seeds. Thus by this they could prevent hunger and also avoid the area going Communist. Though here was a transformation from a nation which chronically begged for food-aid to an export surplus one the “green’ did not mean organic, pesticide free. I wonder if the price Punjab is paying is justified.

Malwa region tops the region by deaths caused by liver of the cancer and blood cancer is predominant in other parts.

Treatment of cancer is beyond the reach of the common man and it leaves the family in financial penury.

Sant Baba Bhagwant Bhajan Singh felt the need of a COMPREHENSIVE CANCER TREATMENT CENTRE to stem this disease which would be accessible to the poor where treatment and diagnosis would be done on a charitable basis. His dream is where all the cancer –stricken patients would receive treatment and humane care when they are left to die by their families in the form of a hospice.

This has been realized by setting up SANT JASWANT SINGH CANCER SOCIETY, Dakoha in collaboration with AIMS, Faridabad& PGI Rohtak. Super Specialists from these hospitals were present like Dr. R.K. Karawasra Secretary ASI HOD Rohtak, Dr. Prabhsharan Ahuja, Oncologist AIMS, ….

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These doctors held a free camp on the premises of the Nirmal Takhat Baba Budha Sahib Charitable Trust on the 20^th of January , 2010 where 120 patients were examined and their follow up treatment will be done free of cost. These Drs. also for the first time in collaboration with the Indian Cancer Society have started the first ever official tabulation of cancer patients in Punjab which was not done before. As patients earlier would board the Cancer Train and would go to Bikaner and true data was never recorded.

On this day, do your bit by reading at first and to go in for early detection and check-ups to ensure the avoidance of cancer.

Bhindian diyan gallan

BHINDIAN DIYAN GALAAN

Dear Sarpanchani Sahiba,

Sat Sri Akalji, I would like to bring to your notice that I am tied on the village dher post (garbage dump) and at night the neighbor Banti slyly milks me in connivance with the pair of snakes living there. Sometimes, the snakes also milk me and because of them living there, nobody comes close by; as if you disturb them bad luck follows you for 7 years.

I want justice and swift action, needs to be taken. Please schedule me for an audience with the panchayat on the coming Sunday.

Your’s faithfully,

Kali Ga with a chitta nishan(cow with a white mark)

This is a truthful letter which was received by mother –in law who is an elected Sarpanch.

Do not make fun of the innocence or the naivety of the villagers residing in the villages of Punjab; this is the story of real India which I would like to highlight to you all. We need to address these problems of superstition, ignorance, lack of education. All else, are elitist problems. Do you think the 67%of Punjab is bothered about what happens in Copenhagen, or whether the glaciers are melting or whether Headley is a rogue agent? We need to break free from the cocoon of information around us and try a dose of reality. The name of the village is changed.

Daarji's entrance

He walked in an immaculate cotton white kurta-pajyama clad in the softest pashmina toosha lohi his footsteps beating a welcome to his grand-son's room . He was followed by his man-servant Momin who was there always in his shadows ready to anticipate his every whim and fancy. Never ever , since he had crossed over from Sind, south west of Punjab(India ) had he ever had said no, to his master to whom he was bound till death . This practice which had all but died out was upheld by him as a testimony to the zamindar-naukar traditions which were unexplainable as they were tied by invisible bonds.

Clearing his throat to announce his entrance he walked in, boldly to glance at his sleeping grand-daughter who was precious to him than anyone else in his life . The look which she gave him and the lisp .....it just tore at his heart. Agreed, the khaandaan 's line was assured but this lil' girl was his jaan.

Gazing at his grand-son who was sleeping in the day-crib adjacent to her bathed in the morning sun , he was a throw-back on the family's good looks.

Walking out to the family living -room , he glanced at the furnishings which were de riguer in every up-scale home in Chandigarh, but did these crystal pieces and Laliques, silver artefact's be a promise to happiness and peace?He had travelled all this way from pind to make peace with Parkash, an enigma of a woman,if any.

He was different from as chalk was from cheese but the love they shared for their child united them and they kept their appearances and now it was time for the round in Chandigarh. he had to go through a lot this month , with all the celebrations and the huge path which was being organised for the naam karan . Getting back to Sudoku, he waited patiently for his Sardarni to walk in......

the festivities

Oh, Ye! of the lost innocences, how the cover of darkness hides us..Rhea was amazed at the lines which were repeating in her mind while she was staring at the crowd collected in her living-room similar to the glass-eyed looks of a cow..Everyone was busy with a glass of the finest wine, single-malt whiskey (if you,please ) and the bar operated by Karan had everything going ..there was something for everyone. He really had splashed out to celeberate the arrival .How is that,an ivy-league education, a modern upbringing gets clouded by the birth of a son? There was so much disparity, or maybe she was just plain tired. Rhea made her excuses and moved to her room where , she checked on the baby in the crib and Kudrat sleeping on the bed sucking her thumb;insecurities surfacing.Karan entered the room brandishing the famous robin's egg blue Tiffany box. Forgetting her aches and pains she exclaimed "Wow" You had to hand it over to him..the panache and style made him the man he was , she hugged and kissed him..The card from Tiffany's said,"There are times to celebrate, this is one of them" enjoy!Love Karan. The sapphire ring encased with diamonds had an engraving on the inner side..She was going to be the envy of the gals, eat your heart ..she thought.Nobody and that is nobody had ever been gifted a gift straight from Tiffany&co. She had made it to the top.In fact she thought it was worth all the pain and putting up with the relatives.Closing the door, and looking at Karan who was waiting for her near the bed, she thanked her stars for being blessed.

Mama, would look after the guests and would send them off along, and tomorrow anyway was an imp. day Daarji was coming to bless the baby from pind.She wondered what was in store for her closing her eyes....