two minutes or twenty

Two minutes or more like twenty.

Ladies and Gentlemen, primarily the alpha pack, I wanted to ask you a question of serious importance and gravity. What is the average time taken by you to consume a plate of chow Mein? Is it, fast medium or slow?

Apparently a learned and distinguished scholar of repute and social political standing in the nearby state has come to the conclusion that eating fast food like chow Mein causes a hormonal imbalance and that leads to an urge to rape. So, you see, you young girls and women it’s not the man to be blamed his primal instinct is because he eats chow Mein and fast food.

Methinks, this is a conspiracy to absolve the country from the 1962 debacle and to now blame the Chinese for the war.

What a bull, cockamamie story oh sorry, and being of the weaker, fairer sex is I allowed using such words? Maybe the wrath of men may fall on me. The study says (if you call it) eating fast food causes directly an urge to rape, so help me here does the eating of the particular food do this? Or does that yummy food do it? Or is it that you men are eating too fast? Can’t you all eat slowly, for heaven ‘s sake? Didn’t your mother teach to eat slowly and that too 32 times?

This also has made me reach at interesting conclusions:

a)  Women don’t eat fast food; they aren’t quick to catch it you see. We aren’t fast.

b)  If they eat fast food on the sly, they don’t get the urge tot rape. Why Bhai, what’s wrong? Go ahead; give into your baser instincts.

c)   All the Orientals are raping each other; they all eat fast food you see.

d)  A national advertising campaign has been started silently and secretly whereby an extra zero has quickly sprung up on the bill boards changing the famous yummy, comfort food of millions from two to twenty. The word ‘instant’ is extinct and has been banned. .

My advise, men eat chow Mein albeit a bit slowly, relish it and don’t let that invisible ingredient which causes hormonal imbalance get the better of you and you start raping us on the streets or the new fad moving cars. Get a life guys, and live happily ever after and please go-slow. (I know I sound like a broken record).

On second thoughts, is all the street food also fast food?

Shoot, now we all are in trouble.  There goes my favorite golgappa.

Ravneet  Sangha