Countdown to the shaadi season

Punjab goes through two seasons, literally wedding and no wedding but looking forward to the wedding season. And, I have it on great authority that the country next door that this is what Lahore also witnesses. As, winter approaches women go through a manic over-haul. There is a frenzy all around me, where all of them go through a major cleaning spree, looking for an elusive, exclusive heirloom piece hidden somewhere that was not found before hand.

Women, around me look for a color that has not been worn before, its named and called by all the completely absurd names like teal, tapioca, my favorite watermelon red, canary yellow, a lilac that makes one shine, ruby red, every color that we had in the Camlin crayon box is officially extinct like the dodo. They don’t believe in blue any more, it’s more of the political Akali blue, or the azure blue, teal blue, aqua blue to name a few. Life just gets more and more complicated.

Friends, family all want clothes that are smart, and look good on them and every woman gets clothes done in a size she will fit into by the next month or when the first function is, because she is now on this no carbs- eat your head diet.

When they stop eating, they all start getting short tempered and angry and the temper gets lit by the even smallest fuse. The diets are crazier each season, no carbs, drink cold coffee, drink the green tea, eat five almonds, soak this, don’t soak this, my head spins with the latest combinations! In fact, the exercises sound even bizarre, Pilates , zumba and spin bicycling. For me just plain walking itself is exhausting. All this is done to be warzone ready and be prepared for the wedding season.

In fact, the biggest secret is the tailor wala or the boutique wali who churns out the smartest, trendiest outfit for them.

The name is guarded even more than that of the nuclear codes held in secrecy by the state heads. Women all want something exclusive and it’s all kept under wraps till the function or the event.

Heavens would fall, if there were any twinning (not to be confused with the Twinning’s tea company. Namedropping is so common that I wonder if I am the only one who wears normal suits stitched in my back yard. The prices can vary from the down payment of a small house to three iPhones and sometimes I feel it’s really a mountain of a molehill!

The political scenario is also having its own subtle effect on the fashionistas, you could be the blingy jatt Akali, the back to the roots hand- woven Bjp, the plain jhola type simple in the face AAp supporter or you could be the expensive designer apparel worn by the congress supporter who unconsciously mirrored Mrs. G who supported the original handloom revivalist movement.

In fact, the fashion is not limited to the women only, men take on different hues and the turbans and the shawls are stunning in color!

My Punjab, hor ki also comes up with the most interesting functions and the venues, the décor, the invites, the mithai all amaze, stun and try to outdo the other in expense. Reportedly the budget, every year notches up higher and faster than the inflation rate.

In fact, as winter season approaches, we suddenly see women get fairer than before, and the maximum lightening procedures are done to look fair and lovely. The way women polish and buff themselves to be ready for the approach of the wedding months is tantamount to the annual military exercises held by the Indian army. A complete deployment of the forces, I must say.

However what are ruling the day are Pammi Aunty and Sarla Bhenji. Maybe the coup at the next Punjabi wedding would be to have them along with hot and happening and available Brad Pitt. And, before you know it, it would be updated with a selfie and splashed on face book. Till then, I am doing post spring early fall cleaning.