I am an X- chromosome swimming upstream trying to edge out other X’s, (my girlie pals) to mate with the elusive godly Y. It’s a mystery, a mad-house of the jumble, the rat-race, the competitiveness and the frenzy to mate. We all try to outdo each other in this marathon but there is this sense of unease, a lingering feeling of something bad. Call it the feminine intuition, we have. This intuition serves me well and heeding to it, I stop in the upstream swim where time is of essence. Faint whispers, rumblings why I should not mate and realize my physical form seep to my consciousness and I go back to a conversation I had heard when I was still a part of the genes….She in her loud cackling voice was warning ,’Be careful ! Don’t give birth to a baby girl, when you conceive” “Dhyaan Rakhi...The first child should always be a boy, and then there is no tension, koi fikar nahi. Mrs .Sandhu warned her new NRI daughter in law. Giving birth to a baby girl was taboo and automatically ensured one of a life full of hassles from the minute she was born to the minute she married till she died.
Strange are the customs of progressive Punjab, when a girl is born, we do not rejoice, we lament over the birth. The minute the nurse comes out and announces that congratulations a baby girl is born, the smiles vanish and half-heartedly condolences are given masked under the fact that Lakshmi has come. So why is this deity falling short of our expectations? Or are we content to worship an idol but bur n the living, physical form as it does not bring us the God of Mammon? Parents, In-laws all have false smiles and the poor mother after her laborious child-birth wondered where she went wrong.Oh, this all happens only if we escape the monstrous Sex- Determination test. Punjab is dotted with countless fly- by the night clinics, quacks and midwives who for a paltry sum will tell whether the fetus is male or female. Even the savior of mankind the internet advertises these kits who for 50$ will help you at home. Is science a boon or a curse, I wonder? Then if I’m lucky to pass the first hurdle in this race called LIFE I’m given birth to. A real incident was narrated in hush tones hereby the spirits of a beautiful girl who was aborted and thrown to die where the carcasses of dead animals is thrown outside a village. A clearing house, if you please, but the little innocent baby was alive and the shrieking cries were heard by Dr. Harshindar Kaur who was passing by; she saw the most horrific sight where the baby was being eaten by rabid dogs.
And they, tell us to be born.
I still think whether it’s worth the struggle to be born, to be differentiated from the very moment one breaths. On my birth, from the mithai distributed to the announcements made everything is different. Money comes into play. No laddoos please, limited circle of people to distribute them and no fancy-shmancy lohri.Even when I’m growing up there is compromise on every step, clothes, food and always there is this realization of coming second. It is drilled into ‘her ‘that’ she is inferior and she is the weaker sex. I wonder who coined this term. What are we evaluating her? Physical strength or mental…. Or is it necessary to have muscles aka...To be stronger?
We are deprived of love, the circle of love which is what makes the world tick. Love is doled out in accordance with standings in the house; how many men in the house, and where the girl child comes in the sibling’s hierarchy…
I am growing up; trudging along school always on the guard against child molesters, pedophiles’, and the uncle ji’s who make us squirm by the so- improper touches and when we reach puberty hormones grow crazy. Even if we want platonic relationships they are misunderstood and long dying declarations are given professing love and if we scorn these we are burnt, slashed by a knife and the famous one acid is thrown by our lovers/Ranjhas of modern age Punjab.
Did I mention here, if I fall in love and heaven forbid if he is from another caste, we are lynched, shot killed burnt alive? Mr. Nilekani, a suggestion here please when you give us all a Unique Identity Number could you please tattoo the castes on the boy’s heads (North Indians) as love doesn’t seem to distinguish . I wonder if the, same caste blood is the same or different: one is a shade darker, thicker or thinner. The khap panchayats have a nose for this.
When I pass this hurdle if I marry when all the requisites of age, height, color of skin (has anyone ever heard of wheatish complexion??), dowry are met. Then the biggest litmus test comes, will I ever give birth to a male? I wonder why we forget the basic science lesson that it is the man’s doing and it’s him and him alone responsible for a baby boy/ baby girl. Countless times girls are aborted; mothers are killed, burnt or discarded for a fresher newer model to ensure the lineage. Why do we forget that woman, the creator who nourishes, provider the one who is the fulcrum of all life ; if she is decimated how will the species continue? Where do you think the extra woman are going to come, if all are killed; like the trend here? Common sense is uncommon in Punjab, Haryana where being a male, reproducing one makes one attain salvation…Over the years increasingly, a woman has to face sexual exploitation, molestation, rape, is subjected to heinous crimes, prostitution and is sold off bartered away.
All this doesn’t stop when one is older , older woman increasingly are preyed upon for their property, bludgeoned to death by servants, denied medical help by family as she is a burden on their finances and in many cases is left in one corner to die.
An interesting tradition comes into play in North India , where when a woman dies her shroud i.e. the clothes which she wears for her final journey are also given by her parents, absolving the in-laws of even the mere expense of her clothes. When did she stop being a burden, may I ask?
I am dejected, shattered, lie defeated in this circle of life which I beget and die for.
Every 26 minutes a woman was molested. Every 34 minutes a woman was raped. Every 42 minutes a woman was sexually harassed. Every 43 minutes a woman was kidnapped and every 93 minutes a woman was killed. Husbands murdered fourteen wives every day. Mind it, these are just the cases that were reported and recorded by the police.
Ravneet Sangha
ravneetsangha@hotmail.com
Strange are the customs of progressive Punjab, when a girl is born, we do not rejoice, we lament over the birth. The minute the nurse comes out and announces that congratulations a baby girl is born, the smiles vanish and half-heartedly condolences are given masked under the fact that Lakshmi has come. So why is this deity falling short of our expectations? Or are we content to worship an idol but bur n the living, physical form as it does not bring us the God of Mammon? Parents, In-laws all have false smiles and the poor mother after her laborious child-birth wondered where she went wrong.Oh, this all happens only if we escape the monstrous Sex- Determination test. Punjab is dotted with countless fly- by the night clinics, quacks and midwives who for a paltry sum will tell whether the fetus is male or female. Even the savior of mankind the internet advertises these kits who for 50$ will help you at home. Is science a boon or a curse, I wonder? Then if I’m lucky to pass the first hurdle in this race called LIFE I’m given birth to. A real incident was narrated in hush tones hereby the spirits of a beautiful girl who was aborted and thrown to die where the carcasses of dead animals is thrown outside a village. A clearing house, if you please, but the little innocent baby was alive and the shrieking cries were heard by Dr. Harshindar Kaur who was passing by; she saw the most horrific sight where the baby was being eaten by rabid dogs.
And they, tell us to be born.
I still think whether it’s worth the struggle to be born, to be differentiated from the very moment one breaths. On my birth, from the mithai distributed to the announcements made everything is different. Money comes into play. No laddoos please, limited circle of people to distribute them and no fancy-shmancy lohri.Even when I’m growing up there is compromise on every step, clothes, food and always there is this realization of coming second. It is drilled into ‘her ‘that’ she is inferior and she is the weaker sex. I wonder who coined this term. What are we evaluating her? Physical strength or mental…. Or is it necessary to have muscles aka...To be stronger?
We are deprived of love, the circle of love which is what makes the world tick. Love is doled out in accordance with standings in the house; how many men in the house, and where the girl child comes in the sibling’s hierarchy…
I am growing up; trudging along school always on the guard against child molesters, pedophiles’, and the uncle ji’s who make us squirm by the so- improper touches and when we reach puberty hormones grow crazy. Even if we want platonic relationships they are misunderstood and long dying declarations are given professing love and if we scorn these we are burnt, slashed by a knife and the famous one acid is thrown by our lovers/Ranjhas of modern age Punjab.
Did I mention here, if I fall in love and heaven forbid if he is from another caste, we are lynched, shot killed burnt alive? Mr. Nilekani, a suggestion here please when you give us all a Unique Identity Number could you please tattoo the castes on the boy’s heads (North Indians) as love doesn’t seem to distinguish . I wonder if the, same caste blood is the same or different: one is a shade darker, thicker or thinner. The khap panchayats have a nose for this.
When I pass this hurdle if I marry when all the requisites of age, height, color of skin (has anyone ever heard of wheatish complexion??), dowry are met. Then the biggest litmus test comes, will I ever give birth to a male? I wonder why we forget the basic science lesson that it is the man’s doing and it’s him and him alone responsible for a baby boy/ baby girl. Countless times girls are aborted; mothers are killed, burnt or discarded for a fresher newer model to ensure the lineage. Why do we forget that woman, the creator who nourishes, provider the one who is the fulcrum of all life ; if she is decimated how will the species continue? Where do you think the extra woman are going to come, if all are killed; like the trend here? Common sense is uncommon in Punjab, Haryana where being a male, reproducing one makes one attain salvation…Over the years increasingly, a woman has to face sexual exploitation, molestation, rape, is subjected to heinous crimes, prostitution and is sold off bartered away.
All this doesn’t stop when one is older , older woman increasingly are preyed upon for their property, bludgeoned to death by servants, denied medical help by family as she is a burden on their finances and in many cases is left in one corner to die.
An interesting tradition comes into play in North India , where when a woman dies her shroud i.e. the clothes which she wears for her final journey are also given by her parents, absolving the in-laws of even the mere expense of her clothes. When did she stop being a burden, may I ask?
I am dejected, shattered, lie defeated in this circle of life which I beget and die for.
Every 26 minutes a woman was molested. Every 34 minutes a woman was raped. Every 42 minutes a woman was sexually harassed. Every 43 minutes a woman was kidnapped and every 93 minutes a woman was killed. Husbands murdered fourteen wives every day. Mind it, these are just the cases that were reported and recorded by the police.
Ravneet Sangha
ravneetsangha@hotmail.com
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